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Today is the official publication day of How To Ditch Your Fairy in North America. To celebrate I am doing what I did for Magic’s Child: sharing the first sentence of each chapter of HTDYF.
As usual my concern is to protect you, the potential reader of the novel, from unnecessary spoilerage. Because there is nothing worse. NOTHING. Hence there is a small amount of redaction. Trust me, it is for your own good.
Without further ado, behold the How To Ditch Your Fairy first sentences:
1. My [redacted] looked funny in the [redacted], which is odd because my [redacted] are tiny.1
2. I had chocolate and strawberry in a crunchy nut and brioche cone and [Redacted]2 had lemon and lime in the vanilla cone.3
3. I have a parking fairy.4
4. It was such a long walk home that I almost wished I’d accepted the lift with [Redacted].
5. [Redacted: too spoilery]
6. “Just salad?” [Redacted] said, peering at my lunch.5
7. [Redacted] cornered me as I made my way to [redacted].
8. Dad was waiting outside the main gates, sitting on a fire hydrant, sketching.6
9. On Tuesday at first recess, [Redacted] and [Redacted] dragged me out onto the lawn over looking the outdoor [redacted].
10. While I love this school more than anything, there are aspects of it that are less than doos.
11. [Redacted] cemetery is the biggest and oldest in the city.7
12. By the time I got [redacted] the door to [Redacted's] room was closed and no light seeped out.
13. [Redacted] was outside, sitting on my front steps, bouncing coins off the back of his hand as if they were jacks.8
14. [Redacted: too spoilery]
15. By Saturday I had racked up eleven (eleven!) additional [redacteds] , bringing my grand total to seventeen, or it would have except that my ten hours of [redacted] got me down to seven and kept me from getting any more game [redacteds].9
16. Walking through the city even at 8:30AM on a Sunday there were cars everywhere.10
17. [Redacted: too spoilery]
18. [Redacted: too spoilery]
19. [Redacted: too spoilery]
20. [Redacted: too spoilery]
21. [Redacted: too spoilery]
22. [Redacted: too spoilery]
23. [Redacted] came into the library during first recess.11
24. [Redacted: too spoilery]
25. “Well,” I said at last.
26. I put the heavy pile of [redacted] on the floor in front of me and turned the [redacted] [redacted] over, carefully placing it on the floor on top of the [redacted] [redacted].12
27. “Isn’t there a closer bathroom?”13
28. [Redacted: too spoilery]
29. [Redacted: too spoilery]
30. “You look bouncy,” [Redacted] observed.14
31. [Redacted: too spoilery]
32. [Redacted: too spoilery]
33. [Redacted: too spoilery]
34. [Redacted: too spoilery]
35. [Redacted: too spoilery]
36. [Redacted: too spoilery]
37. The [redacted] felt weird and uncomfortable and itchy.
38. [Redacted: too spoilery]
39. [Redacted: too spoilery]
40. It was my first [redacted].
41. [Redacted: too spoilery]
42. [Redacted: too spoilery]
43. [Redacted: too spoilery]
44. [Redacted: too spoilery]
45. The [redacted] [redacted] passed [redacted] like a [redacted], except that [redacted] [redacted] were [redacted], I [redacted] most of it, and my [redacted] were [redacted] to [redacted] [redacted] on.15
Posted by Justine at 12:00, 16 September 2008 under How To Ditch Your Fairy, Writing goals & milestones | 19 Comments »
Congratulations! To celebrate this auspicious day, I think perhaps I will read it again.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:31 PM
the dragonfly Says:
I don’t know that footnotes have ever in my life made me laugh so much..
September 16th, 2008 at 2:15 PM
Hahaha, that’s great Justine, I love the footnotes.
I’ve actually had the book for about a week now (preordered on borders, they sent it early) and I’m loving it. I’m glad it’s out in stores now so that my friends can all go buy it & we can discuss it
As for spoilers, you might want to edit the fairy list. I was looking through it last night & the Burnham-Stone one spoiled me a teensy bit.
September 16th, 2008 at 2:21 PM
Diana Peterfreund Says:
J, how’s the weather over there off the deep end?
September 16th, 2008 at 2:25 PM
Here’s a new parlor game: Fill in Justine’s “redacted”!
Me first: My [centaur] looked funny in the [bus station], which is odd because my [capacities for mythologizing] are tiny.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:01 PM
One more … I had chocolate and strawberry in a crunchy nut and brioche cone and [Richard Milhouse Nixon] had lemon and lime in the vanilla cone.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:02 PM
The [rock-band] [entourage] passed [Ohio] like a [comet], except that [setup] [people] were [drunk], I [photographed] most of it, and my [pix] were [only useful] to [egg] [them] on.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:11 PM
Electric Landlady Says:
Personally, I find pronouns VERY spoilery. I’m going to pretend I haven’t read the first sentence of Chapter 13 now. *shakes fist*
Also, YAY HTDYF Day! I have it on hold at the library but I may have to go and buy a copy because they are VERY SLOW with new books unless said new books are by J.K. Rowling. And I’m not sure I can wait for months and months to read this.
September 16th, 2008 at 3:51 PM
you are hilarious, justine! this just makes those of us who haven’t read it more eager to do so, you tricksy minx!
also, i was doing the same thing cecilieaux did, and i had some fun:
1. My [eyeballs] looked funny in the [glass jar], which is odd because my [pupils] are tiny.
26. I put the heavy pile of [comics] on the floor in front of me and turned the [first issue of] [shi] over, carefully placing it on the floor on top of the [usagi] [yojimbo graphic novel].
um, yeah, i should go write my novel instead of rewriting yours. heh.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:00 PM
Hahaha. i loved your footnotes. i cant wait to read it! course, i have way too many books to read….(grumbles at inability to read books fast enough)
September 16th, 2008 at 5:08 PM
I went out and bought this book today! yay!! looking forward to finishing it soon.
September 16th, 2008 at 7:58 PM
You were totally right, Justine. You have given far too much away, and now I can only wait for the sequel and hope that you don’t choose to do something similar with it! ; )
BTW, how has the tour food been?
September 16th, 2008 at 10:43 PM
Little Willow Says:
Happy release day!
Your next book could be Mad Libs.
September 17th, 2008 at 12:16 AM
I wish my school up in Iowa is cool enough for you to come, but it isn’t.
I will have to live just reading your awesome books. – and Scott’s too
September 17th, 2008 at 8:45 AM
If I hadn’t read HTDYF already this would make me want to really badly.
September 17th, 2008 at 1:11 PM
Chris Lawson Says:
Justine, I am impressed that you redacted words from your opening sentence! Wouldn’t want to give anything away, eh?
September 17th, 2008 at 7:44 PM
I just to the page after 280, and it’s 249 again, followed by everything up through 280 again (the last page). This is going a little too far with the “no spoilers” policy!
September 20th, 2008 at 8:59 PM
18. Justine Says:
Tap: Oh no! That’s awful. The book’s only 300 pages long! Take it back to the bookshop—they’ll replace it with a non-defective copy.
September 20th, 2008 at 9:10 PM
It was actually a library copy, but I let them know when I returned it (today). Hopefully they’ll take care of it.
I just realized my first comment is missing a word. How embarrassing!
September 27th, 2008 at 3:12 PM
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