Lots and lots of fairies

Because the talk everywhere I go is of the US election1 or of the general economic collapse I thought that I would share the rest of the YA writers’ fairies.

    Holly Black: The coffee fairy—a fairy that would make sure I always find the most delicious cup of coffee (free-trade, with milk) wheresoever I am.

    Cecil Castellucci: I’d like a fairy of perfect timing.

    I mean that in every way, from timing everything perfectly, to everything being on time, to it being the right time for things, and to telling a good story/ joke with perfect timing.

    Cassandra Clare: I have an umbrella fairy. Umbrella fairy tells me to take my umbrella, then it doesn’t rain. But I wish I had a typing fairy. Typing fairy could teach me to type with all fingers.

    Jenny Davidson: My fairy is a sense of time fairy—I always know when it is, it is easy for me to be punctual and I have a good sense of how to pace a class (use of 75 mins) or a project (use of 3 months). But I wish I could trade it in for a sense of direction fairy! Because I can get lost at the drop of a hat, it is utterly absurd, I never know where I am or how to get anywhere, I am often finding myself (though less in age of Google Maps, where foresight can largely compensate for sense of direction) on the verge of tears and not at all sure which direction I’m pointing in!

    Cory Doctorow: I wish I had an email answering fairy who knew exactly what I wanted to say to every email and took care of them all!

Cory really needs that fairy. I have seen how much email he gets: nine hundred bajillion katrillion pieces in a single day. It’s insane.

    Maureen Johnson: Right now I wish I had a Book-Finishing Fairy. Or, at the very least, a That Section Clearly Adds Nothing to the Plot Fairy. Or a Make this Suck Less Fairy. Failing that, I would accept an Answer My E-Mail Fairy or a I Will Make You the Next Doctor on Doctor Who Fairy . . . because that last one sounds kind of fun.

    Ellen Kushner: My fairy seems to be the Find Your Friends Fairy. I run into people I know on the street in foreign countries, in airports, and in restaurants.

    David Levithan: I’ll go for a Wakefulness Fairy. You know, one who would whisper something really funny or (barring that) really loud in my ears whenever my eyelids started to flutter shut in the middle of the day.

    E. Lockhart: I have a “finding things that belong to other people” fairy. If someone I live with has lost something, I can put my hands on it in a minute or two.

    Sadly, my fairy won’t actually work for me. My postal scale went missing in my house 6 months ago and hasn’t turned up yet.

    I wish for an anti-clutter fairy. Clutter is cluttering up my cluttered life.

    Jaclyn Moriarty: I think I have the fairy of relentlessly excited expectations. Every time I hear an e-mail arrive, or the telephone ring, I think something amazing is about to happen. At the moment I have a letter by my front door, to remind myself to post it, but every time I walk by the door I notice it there and get a rush of excitement. I think: ‘Somebody has slipped a mystery letter under my door! How fantastic! Who could it be?!’

    If there was a fairy that could meet my excited expectations, such as a fairy of
    regular yet surprising news of good fortune, that would be my choice.

    If not, I’d like the fairy of decisiveness.

Ooooh! I want a fairy of met expectations, too. Frabjous!

    Sarah Mlynowski: I am a hypochondriac. So the fairy I wish I had is one who would point out germs. Such as: Sarah, do not eat that chicken! It is not well cooked and is riddled with salmonella. Or, Do not shake that guy’s hand, he just went to the bathroom and did not wash it. Or, Do not sit next to that girl on the subway because she will sneeze on you and give you Diphtheria.

    I have a perky fairy. I can usually cheer friends up when they are depressed.

    Garth Nix: I have a slightly warped Punctuality Fairy. He/She/It forces me to be on time, the twist being that if I am actually late, the Punctuality Fairy will make everyone else late too, or delay my plane, or cloud my mind so that I’ve thought the meeting is earlier than it should be, so that any meeting, engagement or booking that I would have been late for by the original schedule, suddenly becomes on time.

    I have been asked many times over the years by Sydney’s State Rail to sell them my punctuality fairy so that all their late trains will suddenly become on time, but the fairy just won’t leave me. I’m hoping that HOW TO DITCH YOUR FAIRY will give me some ideas.

    Diana Peterfreund: I think I have a hat wearing fairy. I tend to look good in hats, and I never lose, sit on, or have hats blow off my head. I also don’t get hat

    I don’t know if I feed her often enough, though.

    John Scalzi: I did have a “know who is calling on the phone as soon as it rings” fairy for a while, which used to freak people out when I would pick up the phone and call them by their name without saying hello first. However, in the age of call waiting, this fairy has become far less useful than it was back in the day. Stupid advances in technology.

    I wish I had a fairy that would make bacon double cheeseburgers a slimming health food. Because that would rock.

    Robin Wasserman: My fairy is a last minute fairy, that lets me start anything at the last minute and still get it done on time. That works out rather nicely, but I suppose if I had my pick, I’d take a say the right thing fairy — which, as you might guess from the name, means that in any and every situation I’d always know exactly the right thing to say. (Perhaps this fairy would first have to kill the say the wrong thing fairy who often stops by for a visit.)

    Scott Westerfeld: I have the simile fairy. Whenever I need a cool simile to nail a dramatic moment, my fairy comes and hits me on the head like a pillowcase full of naked mole rats. Or, if I come up with a lame one like that, I pick a book from the shelf and open it at random. And, lo and behold, there’s a great simile to steal right on that page. So it’s a simile-stealing fairy as well.

    But I want a good-night’s-sleep fairy.

You can find more fairies here. And, as usual, feel free to share your own fairies.

I would like to wish everyone in the US over 18 a good voting fairy.

  1. I’m in Canada! They have their own election! Why are we still talking about the US one? Um, because it’s really important? []


  1. Victoria on #

    I have an “obsessively early to everything” fairy. It makes me believe that I need to leave my dorm half an hour before class starts, when, in reality, it takes fifteen minutes to walk to the class, and ten minutes to bike. It’s sometimes useful, especially when I get times wrong, but, often, it’s just annoying, as I have to sit outside in the extreme heat, waiting for the teacher to get to class and unlock the door.
    I would like a “chill out” fairy. This would a fairy that allows me to not believe that everything is life or death. Like political issues, or whether there’s a hell or not (oops, that might actually be life or death). Every political argument I get into, I get really angry at the person that I’m debating, and it affects the way I treat them after we’re not talking about politics anymore. I need a chill out fairy desperately.

  2. Electric Landlady on #

    I’m in Canada! They have their own election! Why are we still talking about the US one?

    Yeah, but ours is over, and it was really boring anyway. Nothing like the US one!

  3. Karen on #

    I do hope that E. Lockhart is willing to share if she actually gets her anti-clutter fairy. Desperately needed.

    As for Canadians having our own elections, I think we should petition to be able to vote in the U.S. election. It’s way too important to us to not be able to cast our ballots.

  4. Justine on #

    Karen: I think the only way that’s going to happen is if you become the 51st state. And no one wants to see Canada gobbled up by the US of A!

  5. Sarah W. on #

    I want a “I Will Make You the Next Doctor on Doctor Who Fairy”, or a Book Finishing Fairy… NaNoWriMo is soon.

  6. emmaco on #

    I have a no rain fairy. When I left Brisbane last year after months of drought it started pouring and they had the most rain in an August on record. It had been raining all summer in Britain but when I arrived it stopped for weeks. I walk to work nearly every day without it raining, and it hardly ever rains on holidays. I think my fairy and I could get work in holiday resorts, but of course we won’t be welcome long term anywhere if we cause droughts…

  7. yza on #

    I would like a “Fixer of Teen-Aged Angst” fairy because I am a psychologist at an all girls school. Even though we have no boys here, we do have a lot of boy related angst. Try as I might to convince our young Buds o Promise that it is not the end of the world, and boys do grow up and get slightly less annoying and that age 13 really does not last forever, they frequently do not believe me.

    Instead I have the “wholly inappropriate dreams of wholly inappropriate people fairy”. Said fairy showed up after my romantic life ‘sploded rather spectacularly a few months ago. It was okay when I was dreaming of Professor Snape or Grant Hackett, but when I have problems meeting the morning bus driver’s eyes without turning RED, it sort of becomes an issue! I may have to start driving again if this does not stop!

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