Maureen Johson’s zombie contest

Over at insideadog Maureen Johnson is staging the best contest in the history of contests with the most excellent prize of an advance copy of Maureen’s wonderful new book, Suite Scarlett. All you have to do is rewrite a paragraph or two of your favourite book by adding a zombie. Maureen demonstrates how it is done by adding one to a scene from Pride and Prejudice. To wit:

“What think you of books?” said he, smiling.

“Books? Oh! No, I am sure we never read the same, or not with the same feelings.”

“I am sorry you think so; but if that be the case, there can at least be no want of subject. We may compare our different opinions.”

“No. I cannot talk of books in a ballroom; my head is always full of something else.”

Hearing this, a nearby zombie turned, lured by the prospect of whatever was contained within Elizabeth’s head. He was within striking distance of her when the other dancers caught him up and swept him away by accident.

“The present always occupies you in such scenes, does it?” said Darcy, throwing a look of doubt at the still-flailing zombie as he was pulled down the line.

“Yes, always,” she replied, without knowing what she said, for her thoughts had wandered far from the subject. Elizabeth’s distraction was not related to the zombie. She had not seen it, and was only vaguely aware of the fact that the time of the dance had been thrown off by the newcomer’s awkward shuffling and the panic that ensued.

“I remember hearing you once say, Mr. Darcy, that you hardly ever forgave, that your resentment once created was unappeasable. You are very cautious, I suppose, as to its being created.”

The zombie once again made his shambling way toward Elizabeth and the delicious promises of her coconut-like head.

“I am,” said he, with a firm voice designed to scare away the interloper.

“And never allow yourself to be blinded by prejudice?”

“I hope not,” Darcy replied, noting with satisfaction that the zombie had once again been dragged into the action by the remaining dancers who had not yet observed his presence in their midst.

The zombie, confounded by recent events, tired of the chase for Elizabeth. He instead ripped off the head of the nearby Sir Watkin Smiley-Franklin and commenced in the eating of his brain, which pleased Mr. Darcy even more. Sir Watkin was a terrible bore on the subject of farm taxes, and Mr. Darcy was much relieved to see all of his thoughts on the subject being consumed by the zombie’s loose, grinding jaw.

If you didn’t already think Maureen was a genius surely that proves it.

Go enter the best contest ever. If one of you were to rewrite a snippet one of my books it would make me very happy!


  1. rebecca on #

    “If one of you were to rewrite a snippet one of my books it would make me very happy!”

    mwahahaha. already progress, actually. 😀 dunno if it’ll be any good, but i figured if anyone ought to have a zombie added, it’d be you. 😀

  2. cat sparks on #

    now thats just really fucking funny!!!

  3. Mary Elizabeth S. on #

    So many wonderful ideas all in one place—zombified stories…zombie idol—it’s almost too much awesome to handle.

    I must enter, of course.


  4. Patrick on #

    “It’ll be better now. I’ll get you home,” Jay-Tee said, yelling into Reason’s hood. “It’s warm there. I think this is going to turn into a blizzard.”

    “Brains?” called out the zombie hampered by the cold slush, also hoping for an invite into a warm home.

    Again the girl nodded, but she said nothing, and not even a glance at the slow moving, shivering zombie. Maybe she couldn’t speak with her teeth chattering so hard.

    “This way,” Jay-Tee yelled, slipping her arm through Reason’s, making sure the girl kept her hands in her pockets and away from the zombie. Half dragging, half pulling, she managed to get Reason moving in the right direction.

    Dejected and disappointed at being left behind in the cold, the zombie shook a rotting fist at the falling snow.

    “Brains! Brains! #&$!@ Brains!” exclaimed the zombie, as it slipped and fell, never again to find a warm house or brain.

  5. limeywesty on #

    I just read this on Maureen’s Blog on insideadog, and it’s come here. Maybe zombies really are going to take over the world! And this time, in Pride and Prejudice form!!!

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