How To Write A Novel (the true version)

    Step 1: Figure out which plot you hate the most.

    Step 2: Figure out how to fix it.

    Step 3: Fix it.

    Step 4: Add zombies.

You can find the longer, lying version of this post here.

11 comments

  1. Tim
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    Someone has recently done that with Pride and Prejudice. I believe the new book is called “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”

    I must have it!

  8. Mary Elizabeth S.
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    No, no, no, it goes like this:

    Step One: Choose a book, pretty much any book will do.

    Step Two: Add zombies to it.

    Step Three: Add unicorns to it.

    Step Four: Continued adding equal amounts of zombies and unicorns—and maybe a couple of zombie unicorns or unicorn zombies—until the plot, and possibly your head, explodes.

    Step Five: Lather, rinse, repeat. Take two mangosteens and call a librarian in the morning.

    Blogoverlord says: You are skating very close to a banning, young lady. Referring to the dread creatures, not once, but multiple times? An outrage, it is.

  9. Nicholas Waller
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    I’m reading a book called “How Not to Write a Novel” by Newman and Mittelmark, which gives advice on 200 things you can do to ensure that your manuscript, when it comes into the hands of a professional editor, is tossed in the bin at the earliest opportunity. (The authors say they have stood by the side of this road for a long time and see a lot of the same avoidable tragedies take place.)

    Of course, a 201st way not to write a novel is to sit about reading books like that, but I’m enjoying it for itself – though one reviewer on AmazonUK called it too sarcastic and even rude (it is quite rude when discussing a deus ex machina). Perhaps he took it personally.

  10. Bethany-la
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    lol. That is great advice. I’m planning to write a book about zombies & vampires. The twist… neither are evil. unic*rns (aka one who mustn’t be named) are the evil ones.

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