My friend Tempest is running into some trouble for dissing the wearing of ill-fitting corsets. People are rightly saying that they can wear whatever they bloody well please. And Tempest is rightly saying that she can rant about whatever she bloody well pleases.
While it’s incredibly rude to lecture people to their faces1 about the inappropriateness or ill-fittedness or ugliness or general appallingness of what they’re wearing, it is perfectly fine to hold forth about it on your blog, or with your friends, as long as you’re not naming anyone (unless they’re famous2), or posting photos (again doesn’t apply to the famous).
That’s freedom folks: you can do whatever you want so long as it doesn’t break laws, and people are free to bitch about you doing whatever you want. Cause, you know, what do we live for but to make sport of our neighbours?
I really enjoy dissing other people’s clothes and I really enjoy hearing other people do the same. I know that makes me a bad person, but there you have it.
I am not sartorially perfect. I have worn many things in the past that I wish I hadn’t.3 I’m sure that I will also wear embarrassing things in the future. Hopefully less than in the past, but who knows when my attraction to bright, shiny, glittery things will next overturn my judgement? Feel free to bitch about what I wear. Just don’t tell me about it.
I am currently bitching about the following clothes:
- Formal shorts—An abomination! On men or women—knees are not to be displayed on formal occasions. I don’t care how hot it is!
Micro mini skirts—They don’t look good on anyone because to wear one is to be in constant terror of revealing your gyno bits to the universe
Gypsy skirts—What can I say? I was traumatised by Stevie Nicks at an early age
Too tight stove pipe pants—Is it so wrong of me not to want to see the outline of boys’ reproductive bits?
Lowriders—Will they ever go away? Your date is not for sharing with the world. You don’t like it from plumbers, why do you think it’s okay for you?
Espadrilles—In the last year I’ve seen them on four different continents and they never once looked good. Make them go away already!
What are your most hated items of clothing that the cruel cruel cruel world keeps subjecting you to? Bitch away!
*The original UK “What Not to Wear” is one of my favourite shows ever. Much bitching about fashion and taste plus nasty sublimated class warfare. What is not to love? I also adore that the two arbiters of taste sometimes wear truly appalling clothes. Bliss!
- Yes, even if you’re their parent. Especially if you’re their parent! [↩]
- Which is why we have the joys of gofugyourself. [↩]
- Exhibit A: A 1980s ill-fitting blue satin jacket. Ill-fitting because I made it myself. Should not have been worn because I made it myself. Would probably still have been hideous if someone competent had made it. [↩]