Ya know, toilet designer people, when folks go to the loo they do not want to be reminded that they’re going to die. How come you lot don’t realise that? What is your problem? Why do you keep designing dunnies that bring Edgar Allen Poe to mind? Is premature burial really the theme you were going for?
If it isn’t then here are my tips for what to avoid:
- Do not use all dark wood materials
- Do not make the toilet teeny tiny
- Have windows, or, you know, at least gaps above and below the doors
- Dim lighting is also a no no. Romance is not what most of us are looking for when we’re on the bog
- Red lighting also not fabbie for the toilet experience
- Also piped music of people screaming and hearts beating should be avoided
You think I’m exaggarating, don’t you? Nuh uh. The last few posh restaurants I went to in New York City, London, Bangkok and Sydney all featured dunnies that would have scared the living crap out of me (which I guess is sort of the point, but still!) if I were claustrophobic. They were wood panelled and so dark I could barely find the loo, let alone the loo paper.
One of them had the added charm of featuring a whole series of i.q. tests as to where the doors to the cubicles were, how to get the soap dispenser and taps to work, and how to find the exit. Just the kind of larks we’re all hoping for in a dunny.
Way to go, toilet designer
I don’t know about you, but if there’s one place in the world that I want to be bright and clean and functional and in no way reminiscent of premature burial or i.q. tests for rats—it’s the dunny.