Quit it already

14 March, 2007

What is it with you people?

I tell you what an abomination in the sight of the Lord unicorns are and how much I love love love zombies and what do you do? You send me an endless stream of unicorn-related stuff. Gah!

Quit it already! No more!

Now zombie related links I’m all for. Fire away. Share your zombie love with me.

But the next person to so much as type or say the u-word anywhere near me? Well, that’s a paddlin’.

I hope I have made myself clear.

21 comments

  1. Carbonel on #

    Not even armour-plated carnivorous unicorns–?

    What a shame!

  2. Rebecca on #

    but zombie unicorns are still okay, yes?

  3. Edward Willett on #

    I guess I won’t mention my own YA fantasy novel The Dark U…um, zombie.

    Which got me thinking (a dangerous habit, I know). I went to Amazon.com, did a book search on the “U” keyword, copied the first 12 hits, and replaced the “u-word” with the “z-word.” The results? An inspiring selection of titles from some alternate universe where people have zombie posters on their walls, little girls fall asleep holding stuffed zombies, and gift shops can’t keep up with the demand for crystal zombies:

    The Midnight Zombie
    Into the Land of the Zombies (The Zombie Chronicles, Book 1)
    The Secret World of Zombies
    The Last Zombie
    Starlight Surprise (My Secret Zombie)
    The Lady and the Zombie
    Zombies Are Real
    My Secret Zombie Flying High
    Dreams Come True (My Secret Zombie)
    The Journey Home (Zombies’s Secret Series)
    The Zombie Treasury: Stories, Poems, and Zombie Lore
    The Black Zombie

  4. claire on #

    mmm … promise?

    … UNICORN!

  5. Justine on #

    That’s three paddlin’s so far. And I gotta tell you zombie blog overlord is not happy.

    Edward, you are a good man!

  6. S E King on #

    Fido! Zombie comedy about an alternate 1950s reality where keeping up with the Joneses means keeping a zombie pet. It opens this weekend in Canada, but not until June 15 in the U.S.

  8. Edward Willett on #

    Another reason to hate those things with the horns–they’re a traffic hazard!

    Saw this AP story today in our local paper (no link, sorry!):

    Driver denies being drunk, blames unicorn

    BILLINGS, Mont. (AP) — A Montana man told police not to blame him for crashing his truck into a light post — it was that unicorn behind the wheel.

    Prosecutor Ingrid Rosenquist said Phillip Holliday initially denied driving the truck involved in the March 7 crash in Billings. He told officers at the scene a unicorn was driving, she said.

    Holliday, 42, pleaded not guilty Tuesday to felony charges of criminal endangerment and drunken driving.

    A pickup truck drove through a red light and nearly struck another truck in the intersection, court documents said. The driver then made an erratic U-turn through a gas station, crossed the street and hit a light pole. Nobody was hurt.

    District Judge Gregory Todd kept his bail at $100,000.

  9. John H on #

    what have you got against uni… um, cycles – yeah, that’s what i meant to say…

  10. cofax on #

    I ran a fiction (fan- and original-) challenge back in 2004 as a way to avoid the craziness before the election. We ended up with a ton of awesome stories, most of which were zombie-related. Including Jonquil’s brilliant Master and Commander bit, and the ever-awesome “Zombie Master of Culter” by Minnow. You can find the community where they were posted here.

  11. John H on #

    by the way, you can believe what you want, but unicorns are real.

  12. Chris S. on #

    s.e. king @ #6: not just a movie about zombies, but a movie about a zombie Billy Connolly! Whee!

  13. Rebecca on #

    nobody sells stuffed zombies. i know. i looked.

  14. Rebecca on #

    although i did find this.

  15. marrije on #

    rebecca, that’s a brilliant bear! love the removable intestines.

  16. Rebecca on #

    yeah, the intestines are my favorite part. i kind of want one now….

  17. Justine on #

    Best zombie bear ever!

    Thanks, everyone, for all the zombie-licious links and a pox on the houses of those who love you know whats.

  18. Jez on #

    You’ve probably read it, but I suggest The Zombie Survival Guide–everything you need to know about zombies!

  19. Rebecca on #

    From the Colbert Report website, we have Stephen Colbert’s thoughts on YA books about girls falling in love with vampires:

    “This is a terrible lesson for our young girls….If you absolutely must date a monster, encourage them to go out with a nice zombie. At least he’ll be interested in her for her brain.”

  20. lili on #

    here are 700 zombies. just for you.

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