Vicious koalas, leeches and deadlines

Things are tense around here. Scott has not very long to finish Extras, the extra book that sort of has something to do with the Uglies trilogy. The ninth of April is his final cannot-be-moved-no-matter-what deadline. Other deadlines have come and gone, but this one is for real.

My job at the moment is to keep other stuff from getting in the way of his writing. You know like evil laundry, vile dishes and wicked wicked postage. Not to mention the scourge of phone calls, email, deliveries and visitors.

Leeches!I have created a moat of acid, and anyone who mangages to get past it to press the buzzer now gets a nasty little electric shock. Leeches await those hardy souls who make it all the way to our doorstep. I had them specially imported from The African Queen and they are very large indeed.

It’s also very bloody cold outside with occasional snow which should further cull the numbers of potential deadline interferers. But if all else fails and they manage to get in, I have my rabid pet koala to sic on them. She is not only diseased, but has a naturally mean disposition.1

I also supply him with the appropriate beverages, writing companions, massage his weary typing fingers and try not to time my coughs ill.

It’s not pretty but someone has to do it. Besides he did the same during my gruelling many-deadlines-missed finishing of Magic’s Child.

So wish us both luck surviving this deadline and if neither of us blog much in the next few days you’ll know why.

Ooops, must dash. The author requires a hot towel.

NOTE: did you notice that I cunningly wrote this post without caps even though it’s longish? That way the old man can’t read it. Mwahahahahah!!!!

  1. Like most koalas, actually. Even the non-diseased ones smell bad and scratch. That’s the only reason we occasionally let tourists hold them. []


  1. Dawn on #

    You are an amazingly devoted wife. 🙂 The rest of us also appreciate since we’re waiting to read Scott’s new book too. I envy your security system, and I wish I would have thought of something like that! Props on being so cunning. I didn’t even notice!

  2. Cheryl on #

    I’ve always assumed that the noxiousness of koalas is related to their food. I can quite see how a constant diet of eucalyptus leaves might lead to an excess of pungent gaseous effluent.

    I trust that your wifely duties will not prevent your from watching the England-Australia game.

  3. jenny davidson on #

    good luck with the deadline!

    the boiler in my building went out early this week, they are doing emergency replacement work & swore it would not affect hot water etc.; and indeed there still has been hot water (except for one very inconveniently hour-and-a-half-long pipe-related disaster when the water was off EXACTLY when i needed to take a post-run shower & be out of the house again 20 mins later, it was a disaster), but there is no heat at all! and the temperature is in the 30s! i am on the verge of getting my sleeping bag out of the closet and, like, huddling up in it on my chair! i am not in fact very sensitive to cold, i don’t get cold easily, but it’s fairly extreme in this case…

  4. veejane on #

    So… not required to play the same disco hit over and over again, to keep the muse appeased? Or is this a strict-silence writing household?

    Deadlines are Evil. The only thing good about them is that they make writers work harder.

  5. Justine on #

    Dawn: It is the best security system of all time.

    Cheryl: I’ll be following it on cricinfo and the guardian.

    Jenny: What a nightmare! I would die! Can you run away to a heated place?

    Veejane: It is house of silence. i want music I gotta put headphones on but then I can’t hear the pleas for hot towels.

    Simon: Actually, I write everything with caps. So what you’re seeing through your reader is how I write. My blog just strips the caps away in order to annoy the crumblies because it’s fun.

  6. Ally on #

    Crumblies. haha I think its really funny that people really use that word..we’d probally get in touble for calling old people crumblies..ill go try it on my grandpa, wait to yall call them grandpas in Austalia?

    Oh he didn’t do anything..oh well
    My grandma ask me if it was some kind of new word haha

  7. Dawn on #

    I won the signed copy of Magic’s Child from Diana’s site! I’m SOOOO HAPPY!!! 🙂

  8. AndrewN on #

    My mother read “Uglies” and she and her peers (~70yrs) now refer to themselves as “Crumblies”. Life mimics fiction.

  9. Justine on #

    Ally: It’s not very common. Lots of Aussies don’t know it. Also “Oz” means “Australia”.

    Dawn: Congratulations!

    AndrewN: I told Scott. He laughed the happy but demented laugh of a man who has not reached his deadline yet. But he was dead chuffed.

  10. Nicky on #

    Such a good description of koalas…imho the media tarts of Oz wildlife (give me a wombat, platypus, or echidna any day).

    My o/s friends all wanna hold the cute cuddly widdle koala..until they do it *lol*.

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