Boring dreams are an outrage

Last night I dreamed that I rang many credit card companies trying to get stolen credit cards replaced. I was even put on hold. There was muzak. Numbered options. To pay your bill press 1. If your card has been stolen press 2. To talk to an operator press 0.

It was the most boring dream in the history of dreams. I am still angry at the injustice of such wasted dream time!

    Dear Subconscious,

    Do that again and nastiness will ensue. I mean it.

    As in you will be fired!

    Do you understand?

    Now, let us return to the dragons, mangosteens, and flying.

    Thank you.

    Yours in a snit,


I hope you’re all having much better dreams. Though no need to tell me about them. All dreams retold are dull. It’s a rule.

Especially mine. Sorry about boring you! But it only seemed fair since it bored me . . .


  1. Joe Iriarte on #

    My wife dreams fully-plotted action-adventure stories that she then wakes up and writes. Lucky. I generally have to work for my stories. 😉

    My dreams on the other hand . . . ugh. Aside from the occasional stress dream–my favorites are the plane-crash and the oh-noes-I-forgot-to-put-on-pants-today, what are yours?–I have dreams where I’m just doing mundane, everyday stuff. Just like you described, but for me that’s the status quo. I dream I’m teaching, lesson planning, cleaning the kitchen . . . I virtually never have fun dreams.

    It just ain’t fair.

  2. Q on #

    That is an impressively boring dream. Now I think it’s rather a good thing I hardly dream at all.

  3. alys on #

    OK. I will not tell you about how last night I dreamed I was turning into a gorilla, and woke myself up trying to do a King Kong gorilla roar…

  4. Cat on #

    Like Joe’s wife I usually dream full plotted stories (I liked the blonde werewolf that could not jump–you had to be there–at least she could not reach me–of course I made fun of her) but last night while falling alseep watching Monsterquest on the History channel I dreamt all night of bull sharks that can and do swim up rivers and into lakes (and attack people)…not to mention Greenland sharks now in areas where they never were before. Not the best thing to fall asleep to. I still feel haunted. I swear I am NEVER swimming ANYWHERE ever again!

  5. Nicola on #

    Clearly you have never been to the Slow Wave site:
    Dreams retold can be very funny!

  6. Bethany-la on #

    This morning, I dremt I took a shower, so I almost didn’t take one because I thought I already did.

  7. Jenny on #

    I have horribly boring dreams when I’m sick. My normal dreams are usually pretty interesting, so I dread sleeping when I’m sick, which is annoying since I also dread being awake when I’m sick.

  8. Justine on #

    Jenny: I’m totally not laughing at your suffering but that’s really funny! Here’s hoping you don’t get sick anytime soon.

  9. Amber on #

    Dreams in themselves may not be worthy of being retold, but most of my stories came from a dream – albeit it’s always altered in some way or another as my mind toys with it!
    Hope you start dreaming better dreams. Boring ones I can take, it’s the intense frightening ones I hate, although I’m always amazed at how creative my subconscious can be!

  10. Robyn on #

    I hate the one where you think you’re going to the toilet and then you realise you’re dreaming, but you wake up in a fright wondering if the bed’s wet or not …
    Or is it only me who has those ones.
    Unfortunately the ones I tend to remember are scary ones – one from when I was 5 years old in which I was being chased by totem poles that had come to life and my dad stabbed one with a knife and then we ran into my room and hid under my bed … And then one several years ago about vampires coming in through my bathroom window and attacking me and my small son. I had to force myself to use the bathroom the next few nights.
    Now I’m wondering why I have dreams about bathrooms …

  11. Scott on #

    I have been having extremely boring dreams as well, I am usually just talking to a friend, or going to school, or occasionally chasing shiny deer through the woods at my grandparents house. They are very dull. I’m jealous of my friend because he tells me about all these amazing dreams he has and then just laughs at mine…

  12. cat on #

    I was searching for the song “Boring Dream” by the band School for the Dead. Instead I found this post. Funny.

  13. Shaideneuse on #

    My most hated evening drama was the time I couldn’t fall asleep and decided to turn on some music, close my eyes and hope it would happen. After quite some time, I realised that it wasn’t going to work, so went down to my kitchen and decided to make bread. Then I couldn’t find a recipe. I finally did, then had no flour. It being late, I couldn’t go and buy any, so I was stuck with this impulsion to make bread, but no way to do it. I eventually gave up, went back upstairs, turned the music back on and read until I fell asleep.

    Somewhere between resolving to fall asleep the first time and going downstairs, I actually did fall asleep. The rest was a dream. It skewed my perception of the entire day, and has confused me ever since. I hate those nights.

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