This vid exactly expresses my current feelings. Be warned that it involves intemperate language and violence:

Do not ask me how many times Microsoft Word has crashed on me today. Let’s just say I better not run into Bill Gates anytime soon.

The first person who tells me I can switch stupid Mr Clippy off gets punched. He is switched off. But when Word crashes it magically gets switched on again. Have I mentioned that I HATE Microsoft Word?

Oh and the first person who tells me to switch to Scrivener gets yelled at. I have switched, but I’m doing final rewrites, and have to keep my doc in smelly Word in order not to blow formatting etc. Going back to Word after Scrivener is breaking my brain. Waaaah!!!

Heh hem. Talk amongst yourselves. My deadline still needs vanquishing.


  1. marrije on #

    oh noes! violence against paperclips! ’tis a terrible thing. here, have a kitty to bring down the stress:

  2. Rebecca on #

    um….may i tentatively suggest that, post-deadline, you test-run OpenOffice? I haven’t used it much, but i hear it’s awesome and that it’s compatible with the evil MicWord.

    hahahahahahaha! at the video. that is hilarious. perhaps you could change the paper clip to the cat? it won’t really improve the situation, but i find that a cat asking me if i’m writing a letter is far less aggravating than a moronic little paperclip, for some reason….

  3. Kelly McCullough on #

    clippy = evil. Jim Hines turned one of my covers into an anti-clippy LOL ( that you might appreciate at the moment. He did at great personal cost too–turning clippy back on and then not being able to get rid of the damn thing without manually editing his registry file.

  4. Steve Buchheit on #

    If I don’t yell “I hate (explicative) microsoft” at least once a week, I don’t think I’m working hard enough.

  5. margo on #

    Maybe you need more RAM? Or more waking hours in the day – computer troubles are legendary for only happening in times of stress.

    Or – you know how they say if you just think about exercising for 20 minutes, it’s as good as actually exercising, maybe if you just think about lying in the sunshine for 20 minutes (there has to be some music you can use to evoke sunny thoughts) you will actually get some vitamin d.

    I sent my novel off last night, and I can now vouch for the fact that if you just keep turning up and hacking at the thing, you eventually get to the end.

    Write like the cyclone (but not tracy)!

  6. hillary! on #

    I would hate to be an author. I much prefer reading, appreciating, adoring and loving the final product. but I gotta agree that microsoft really does go Korazy when you are stressed. Does it sense the impending doom?!

  7. y.manynames on #

    I am so sorry Word is being hateful and horrible to you. If it makes you feel better, I HATE it too, and frequently am forced to swear at in in all languages that I speak and a few that I have made up just for such occasions. The Sweetheart tells me “that is why Mac is better” and then I am forced to yell back “as soon as you convince my entire workplace to switch to Mac i would be happy to be all Macified!” Yes, I know that there is conversion software out there, but if getting windows to behave is a constant struggle for dominance, why would i complicate things further?

    I saw on Libba Bray’s blog that you are also having nasty flu aside from homicidal thoughts about that stupid paperclip! I hope you feel better soon!

  8. Edwina on #

    I am buying a damn mac as soon as possible.

    MS is just … *screams*

  9. Cameron on #

    Have you looked at Open Office? (ducks, as the breeze from a mistimed punch parts his hair)

  10. MaryP on #

    oh, I am glad to see someone who rants at Word the way I do. I write in Wordperfect and only resort to the evil Word when I must attach a document for the rest of the writing world. And Mr. Clippy? A sadist. Commiserations.

  11. Simon Sherlock on #

    I’d be interested in a blog entry of the tools you use and how. Cory Doctorow writes in some form of XML, which must be horrid yet Word hates large docs so do you have one doc per chapter or something?

    Open Office is a good Word-alike but no idea what it like for large docs either. Scrivener looks good but complicated and just how good is the export to Word feature?

    As a non-author/writer I find it fascinating to read how different authors approach their craft and what tools they use (and how).

  12. emily on #

    i love macs, but they aren’t that much better with word-prossesing. i still haved to use word on it, and it crashes only when something is due tomorrow. i know that feeling.

  13. Vir Modestus on #

    Word sucks. very much so, especially for large docs. I hope you’re backing up very very often because, well. Word sucks.

    I use wordperfect for my personal writing and it handles large docs effortlessly. Haven’t had a crash since moving to their x3 version. But I use Word at work, my girlfriend and her hubby use word Mac for their professional writing and it ain’t any prettier on that side of the fence.

    Might I suggest, if you feel like you need to stick with word, you look into the latest version? It is hell on learning curve (so don’t even think about it now … is that a deadline I see before me?) because they’ve changed just about every thing about it, but the file format is much better, smaller, and more manageable for the computer (less choking on big files) and once you get used to it the new layout is pretty good. I do not know, however, if it is any better with long docs. Cause, you know. Word sucks.

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