Justine Larbalestier

reading, writing, eating, drinking, sport

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Guest Post: Sarah Cross Tells Lies

Due to boring circumstances beyond my control, I will not be online much in February. Fortunately I’ve been able to line up a number of stellar guests to fill in for me. Most are writers, but I also thought it would be fun to get some publishing types to explain what it is they do, teach you some more about the industry, and answer your questions, as well as one or two bloggers.

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Sarah Cross is the author of Dull Boy, a YA superhero novel. She blogs intermittently, posts random videos on tumblr, and is hiding in a unicorn-and-zombie-proof bunker until this whole mess is over.

Sarah says:

You may be wondering where Justine is.

And I am sorry to tell you that something horrible has befallen her.

She’s been kidnapped by unicorns.

Mo' unicorns, mo' problems
Yes: these vile creatures.

You may be familiar with the zombies vs. unicorns debate, and the forthcoming anthology that was inspired by that eternal struggle. If you take a look at the anthology’s cover, you’ll see that the zombies and unicorns are engaged in an epic battle for dominance. It’s a gorgeous panorama of rainbow-colored destruction: severed unicorn heads, zombies impaled on pearlescent-yet-deadly horns, and corpses floating in a sky blue stream.

But one element has been left out of this struggle–and that, my friends, is the human element.

Typical Team Unicorn supporters
Members of Team Unicorn pose with their deadly mascot.

Humans will not emerge from this battle unscathed. They have been forced to take sides. (Vote here … if you dare.) Either you’re Team Zombie, or you’re Team Unicorn; and Justine, unfortunately, as the founding member of Team Zombie, has been targeted by her enemies: those sparkly, bone-crushing, rainbow-mane-shaking, marshmallow-defecating, zombie-impaling unicorns. From what I understand (I’ve been sent several encoded messages, written with a crayon that was rubberbanded to their leader’s hoof), the unicorns intend to hold Justine prisoner until she betrays the zombies and swears allegiance to her sparkly captors. Since we KNOW that will never happen … I was hoping to drum up some support for her release here.

Please, if you believe in fairies … er, believe the unicorns should release Justine, leave a comment here pleading her case. Personally, I believe that zombies, humans, and unicorns can get along. But some people are so frightened for their lives (or so passionate about unicorn domination), that they’re doing their best to disguise themselves as unicorns.

Team Unicorn 4EVA
I think this is Diana Peterfreund’s new author photo …

It’s a sad state of affairs. And yet, given the ‘corns’ legendary cruelty, totally understandable.

Unicorns are more ruthless than the Spanish Inquisition. Their rainbow vomit can induce madness in even the most stable mind.

Rainbow vomit spells your doom
Unicorn torture tactic #1.

And you do NOT want to be subjected to their special blend of “Lucky Charms.” Seriously–you’re better off starving. If they bring you any colorful marshmallow cereal, beg for some gruel.

These marshmallows are not magically delicious
That’s so unsanitary, Mr. Unicorn …

I am posting these lovely unicorn pictures as a peace offering. Please, infernal unicorns, release Justine. Before Sarah Rees Brennan comes back and blogs about another Matthew McConaughey movie.

Posted by Justine at 19:59, 12 February 2010 under Excuses, Frippery, Guest post, Toilets, Unicorns, Viewing, Zombies, Zombies v Unicorns | 19 Comments »

Comments

  1. Sarah Rees Brennan Says:

    Frankly, I do not think we NEED Justine! This is MY blog now. Lots of Matthew McConaughey movies to get through, thank you for reminding me, Ms Cross . . . Reign of Fire, perhaps, needs to be addressed!

    Anyway, I think she’ll be HAPPY with the unicorns. You know what’s happening there. A sworn enemy of the unicorns. A sexy, rebellious loner unicorn drawn to her fiery ways.

    Say it with me, folks: unicorn boyfriend. I’m sure Scott will understand.

    February 12th, 2010 at 8:17 PM

  2. Ali Says:

    Is that Tom Cruise? Is….is he Team Unicorn?
    I don’t think I want to be Team Unicorn any more…
    Although the silver lining to all of this is that, having experienced first hand their glittery wrath, Justine will have no choice but to admit that unicorns are badass.

    February 12th, 2010 at 8:26 PM

  3. Ali Says:

    @Sarah Rees Brennan – you will never rest until angsty forbidden human-unicorn love happens, will you?

    February 12th, 2010 at 8:27 PM

  4. Sarah Rees Brennan Says:

    @ Ali Never! If there is ever a Zombies vs Unicorns Two, I am submitting my story Prince Sparkleangstia Finds An Australian Mate.

    February 12th, 2010 at 8:35 PM

  5. Schuyler Esperanza Says:

    I am Team Unicorn, because Zombies eat brains. Seriously, would a movie like “Dawn of the Dead” by made about unicorns? No, because they are beautiful, mysterious, beloved, and best of all: they do not sup on human gray matter.

    February 12th, 2010 at 8:55 PM

  6. Ah Yuan // wingstodust Says:

    LOLOLOL

    I’m sure Scott will understand about the unicorn boyfriend. These things happen.

    February 12th, 2010 at 10:12 PM

  7. Bec Says:

    Of course Mr Cruise is on Team Unicorn. You can’t sit on a zombie in order to appear taller.

    Unicorns also seem better equipped to differentiate between ‘friend’ and ‘food’. So I think I’m going to side with them on this one. Sorry zombie sympathisers.

    February 12th, 2010 at 10:30 PM

  8. Cait Says:

    Team unicorn will not be defeated! The enemy must be hugged and loved and covered in joyous rainbows until they repent! It is only for their own good, and the fate of the world!

    February 13th, 2010 at 12:54 AM

  9. Diana Peterfreund Says:

    Sarah, I sent you that photo in CONFIDENCE. I haven’t photoshopped out my knobby knees yet! You clearly cannot be trusted.

    February 13th, 2010 at 10:35 AM

  10. Erika (Jawas Read, Too!) Says:

    Why would Justine need saving from unicorns? What’s so wrong with a little Lucky Charms love and rainbow vomit so colorful and potent it makes you sparkle a little yourself after a liberal spraying? All of us should be so lucky.

    February 13th, 2010 at 3:31 PM

  11. J.T. Wilbanks Says:

    Were talking unicorns, not Hitler, I think it’s safe to guess that Justine is in perfectly good hands…er…hoofs.

    Besides, the zombies would have just eaten her brains anyway, they’ll betry every one of you, mark my words, they will.

    February 13th, 2010 at 7:55 PM

  12. Ellen Says:

    As Team Zombies’ founder the Zombies would protect Justine and offer her the best of the brains they harvest, (from animals), as opposed to weird Lucky Charms and a prison cell from the Unicorn leader treatment.

    The unicorns are evil, they hide behind spaklyness just like vampires.
    “Ooh they’re so pretty”
    -Horn stab-
    “Owwwwww, why?”

    You know what you’re getin into with zombies, unicorns are the same but with REALLY good PR.

    February 15th, 2010 at 3:56 AM

  13. Pam Adams Says:

    Notice how the unicorn’s ‘friends’ are wearing armor- without a zombie in sight. Looks like Team Stab-in-the Back to me.

    February 16th, 2010 at 8:22 PM

  14. Schuyler Esperanza Says:

    Dear, sweetest, most friendliest Unicorn Council of Courage,

    You have an enemy spy among you. She is actually a ZOMBIE SYMPATHIZER. She wants to find your weaknesses as a species and exploit them to her undead friends, who are amassing against you even as I write.

    As a peace-loving species, I know you will treat this traitor with kindness and goodwill. Please do not. This is a ruthless woman who supports your brains being ripped from your beautiful heads and eaten. Maybe while you are still alive.

    Watch the humans among you. The traitor’s name is Justine. She may be using an alias; it’s even possible she has taken up with unicorn boyfriend. She is a charming-seeming lady, with a great accent, brilliant sense of humor, and fantastic boots.

    Look at the hooves around you. Be wary of any human wearing attractive footwear.

    If I may be of any further assistance with this very grave matter (though unicorns don’t raise from the dead and go looking for trouble like our zombie enemies), please contact me.

    I remain firmly your ally.

    With rainbows, puppies, kittens, and manga girls as our guides in wisdom,

    Team Unicorn
    Official Representative

    February 16th, 2010 at 9:05 PM

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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  2. [...] of the confluence of zombies and unicorns, did you all see this ridiculous pack of lies Sarah Cross posted ...

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  4. [...] Zombies are also at war with Unicorns. I don’t know why? Unicorns are liberal? [...]

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  5. [...] guest blogger, @thesarahcross has gone too far. My blog is now infested with uni***ns. Not happy. http://wp.me/peDKA-22W 4:01 PM ...

    Pingback from DPL Teens » Blog Archive » YAuthor Stalking Tuesday: Justine Larbalestier on 16 February, 2010 at 5:06 PM

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