Bad bad bad writing advice
Holly Black wisely points out that all writing advice can be bad. And Sherwood Smith writes some excellently out-and-out bad writing advice: “Write it in a week and send it instantly because professionals don’t revise. They get it right the first time.”
That’s like the worst advice ever. Can anyone top that?
The worst I can come up with are all variations on Sherwood’s: “Your first drafts are genius. Don’t change a thing!” Though how about, “It’s always best to invent your own system of spelling. It makes you stand out as a writer.”
I can think of lots of post-publication advice that would lead to career suicide:
- Make sure to email your publicist every day to make helpful suggestions for selling your book.
- Your editor and copyeditor are always wrong. Feel free to entirely ignore their edits.
- Call your agent often demanding to know why they haven’t gotten you on Oprah yet.
- If you are on a panel at a convention make sure you stay on message and steer all conversation back to you and your book. Make sure you bring a great big stack of them to show everyone.
- If your local bookseller doesn’t have your book. Demand to know why. Do they not know who you are?!
I will stop now. This is making my brain hurt. But feel free to suggest more.
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marrije Says:
don’t use ‘he said/she said’ all the time. it’s boring and makes people think you don’t have a nice large vocabulary. one ‘said’ is OK, the rest of the dialogue attributions should be different verbs (all of them only used once).
September 19th, 2006 at 3:19 AM
marrije Says:
oh, and only write what you know, i.e. about your own life and what you have actually experienced.
September 19th, 2006 at 4:31 AM
innle Says:
Characters can never be too omniscient or overpowered. NEVER!
September 19th, 2006 at 7:48 AM
Barry Says:
chapter breaks are for the weak and feeble-minded. if people can’t keep up, screw ‘em!
September 19th, 2006 at 9:42 AM
niki Says:
but I’ve lived my entire life by the “invent your own system of spelling” part – how ca it be wrong ????
September 19th, 2006 at 10:16 AM
Celia Says:
Punctuation is for the weak.
September 19th, 2006 at 11:48 AM
Sherwood Smith Says:
Criticism just means they’re jealous. let the critics natter of trivia—they’re simply too small-minded to comprehend your greatness.
September 19th, 2006 at 12:13 PM
Mike Says:
barry is right, chapter breaks are for the weak, just like punctuation, but the story line has to be simple and clean
September 19th, 2006 at 1:08 PM
holly Says:
If it really happened, then you don’t have to worry if it reads believably!
September 19th, 2006 at 3:04 PM
Diana Says:
“you have to do it just like this or you won’t get published.”
September 19th, 2006 at 3:51 PM
Barry Says:
“kill your darlings.”
uh, they’re my darlings for a reason…
September 19th, 2006 at 4:54 PM
parker Says:
“adverbs are your friend”
“there’s no such thing as toom many ajectives”
September 19th, 2006 at 11:09 PM
parker Says:
let me re-phrase:
“there’s no such thing as too many adjectives”
“never proof read your own writing” – or your blog comments…
September 19th, 2006 at 11:11 PM
14. Justine Says:
That’s terrible bad advice, Parker. I am deeply against injunctions against parts of speech! Will people stop persecuting adjectives and adverbs! What next no articles? A ban on pronouns? Prepositions?! Gah!
September 19th, 2006 at 11:15 PM
parker Says:
from the high, decorative window in my austere yet functional writer’s garret i carefully considered your prudent response to the brash bad advice i innocently offered—and while i was thinking deeply, i clearly observed the cloudless, azure sky delicately reflected in the tranquil, fresh-water pond far below—and soon i was so completely distracted from the earnest task i had recently begun that i had utterly lost the winding track . . .
September 20th, 2006 at 1:33 AM