Just read a very cool article by Arianne Cohen about being tall in which she shares the following extremely good advice:
I had never dated anyone shorter than me. I spent my time seeking out the 3% of men taller than me, who by definition made me not tall. I was alerted to the error of my ways while interviewing love and relationship expert Dr Betty Dodson. When I told her I only dated up, she exclaimed, “You’re prejudiced! I mean, come on! Develop a sense of humour! It will help. Look in the mirror and say, ‘God damn, we’re a weird-looking couple.’ And then shut it off.”
This was among the most life-changing advice I’ve ever received. Because she’s not talking about height. She’s talking about the way in which we all unwittingly corner ourselves by whittling down our options. Perhaps you only date or befriend people who are your ethnicity, or are overly educated, or in a certain field. And suddenly, just like that, 90% of your pool disappears.
This is so very true. Do not limit your options. Also there’s no correlation between height and moral probity or hygiene or good looks or smarts or anything else.1 So why worry about it? There’s nothing wrong with being short or tall.
Expanding your horizons is awesome advice. However, I have seen that idea expanded to mean you should have no horizons at all: “Don’t have a partner yet? Lower your standards. Don’t expect them to be clean or polite or interested in anything you’re interested in. Take what you can get!”
That’s the biggest pile of rubbish ever spoken. Never lower your standards!
But do let go of trivial reasons to knock people off your list. I once knew a woman who after a really lovely date with a guy she was attracted to decided not to see him again because he put his seat belt on in the cab on the way home. She considered that wussy. Which a) is stupid because it’s not wussy, and b) the dumbest reason ever for not seeing someone again.
I’ve also known folks not go out with someone cause they worry that other people won’t think they’re cool enough. Oh, hell, I mean me. There have been times in my life2 I didn’t go out with someone cause I was worried they weren’t cool enough. My loss. Fortunately for me I’d relaxed about that worry when I met Scott.3 Moral: If you like someone, are attracted to them, and you’re happy when you’re together then why do you care what other people think of them?4
Goes for friends too.
And thus ends my extremely obvious post advising you all not to do something none of you would ever do.
Have any of you not been friends with or dated someone for a really stupid reason? Confess!
Feel free to be anonymous.
- Okay, extremely tall people tend to be short lived than the rest of us but that’s about it. [↩]
- When I was little. [↩]
- I’m kidding. Scott is coolest man in universe. [↩]
- You know, unless your friends have figured out that the love of your life is a serial killer or something. Then you should listen to them. [↩]
I don’t (and certainly hope) I have never done anything like that personally. My friends are tall, short, skinny and not so skinny (I will NEVER say they are fat becuase they ARE NOT!). I also know how it feels to be make fun of becuase of height, as I am really short.
I know there are people around my school who tease one of my best friends, and whenever I hear people talking about her I say “I’m not saying you have to like her, but please don’t say mean things about her”. So I’m completely with you Justine, looks, nationallity or any of those things are not important!
Great post, but cabs have seatbelts? Are they just there for show? I don’t recall seeing them.
I think the biggest dating restriction I’ve had is because they aren’t the person that I’m crushing on. Which is pretty much the whole damn universe except the person I’m crushing on.
I do also have a restriction about refusing to date guys who were raised in the same religion I was. Because they tend to be raised with a certain set of expectations re: wife and not working and even when perfectly nice in other ways, they tend to have a bunch of sexist assumptions about the way a relationship should work. But it would be easy for a guy to slip under that bar–just talk and act like women can be partners, not your little helpmeet and free assistant.
I recently went on a date with a girl who revealed that she couldn’t remember the last book she read for fun.
Total deal-breaker.
Or am I just being too fussy?
But, seriously, there’s only one rule these days. If I have doubts, then give it a few chances, but if I’m not sure, then DON’T GO THERE. If the very thought of them doesn’t make me go all warm and happy and gooey on the inside, then there’s probably somebody else out there who WILL, and worth holding out for. Don’t settle for something that doesn’t work.