A solemn vow (updated)

I, Justine Larbalestier, do solemnly swear never to comment on an Amazon customer review. If I ever succumb to said stupid temptation you have my permission to force-feed me a mixture of the five vilest substances known to humanity: coffee, chocolate, licorice, tonic water and gin.1

I invite all published writers to join me in this vow.

  1. Apparently there are some weirdos who find the concoction above inviting. Those benighted souls must substitute five things they despise. I’ll have no cheating! []


  1. chance on #

    I do so vow.

    mmmm gin.

  2. scott w on #

    Mmm . . . gin and tonic. Oh, right—the vow!

    Yes, commenting on reviews of oneself is lame. I solemnly vow not to do it, at least not in public.

    “Writing well is the best revenge,” after all. (Though flying ninja monkey assassins are a close second.)

  3. claire on #

    you’re wrong about everything except the licorice. i’d take all four of the others at onc’t. oh yeah, and the vow. me too.

  4. Barry on #

    although i love chocolate, i care not for the other four, so it would still punish me to have them all at once. (oh, ruining my lovely chocolate…)

    and, yes, i take the vow. (feel like i’m at an aa meeting or something.)

  5. Diana on #

    i vow as well. i have previously vowed not to respond to them in public in any manner, such as my blog. it pains me, mightily, but I am not yet foresworn…

  6. Justine on #

    And this is why writers must get together for drinks on a regular basis . . . Otherwise they would explode from the bile built up caused by all the mean amazon reviews their eyeballs have been subjected to. Poor writer eyeballs!

  7. sara z on #

    This sounds much more doable than a vow of poverty or chastity.

  8. Gillian on #

    I vow despite the fact that evil food concoctions seldom make me tremble in fear*. Also, the fact that I don’t even read Amazon reviews except in very special circumstances is entirely irrelevant.

    *I served vile green scrambled eggs to friends for New Year last night. They were *perfectly* edible. The colour made the skin of the Wicked Witch of the West look pale and winsome, but they tasted delectable.

  9. Cat on #

    any woman who doesn’t like chocolate is a freak. And ditto for coffee and liquorice, although they are far less gender specific products. Tonic water on its own is only good for combatting malaria, but seriously, come on… whats not to like about G&T?

  10. Rebecca on #

    i do not like licorice.

  11. Maggie on #

    I vow not to personally respond to any amazon reader comments. (Of course, if my friends want to that’s okay. Heh. Heh.)

  12. John Scalzi on #

    I always do what Justine tells me to.

  13. Justine on #

    And yet you have not actually taken the vow.

  14. John Scalzi on #

    I didn’t say I do what you tell me to in a timeframe convenient for *you.*

  15. Maureen johnson on #

    I had to put down my flaming mochatini (the delicious combination of gin, coffee, chocolate, and lighter fluid that I enjoy on a nightly basis) to answer this one.

    It’s always the bad ones that get you, isn’t it? I get twenty nice ones, and then just one person calls me the worst writer in humankind and I get all up in arms and start looking for my sharply pointed stick.

    But hey. Readers tend to run hot and cold, especially in YA. You know how meatloaf had LOVE tattooed one fist and HATE on the other? (Was that Meatloaf? How do I know this?) It’s like that. Well, you know what I mean. Maybe. Maybe you would if you drank as many flaming mochatinis as I do.

  16. Chaz on #

    As Claire says, wrong about everything except the licorice. But right about the vow. I so vow.

  17. John on #

    It is really lame to comment upon your reviews in any way, particularly amazon reviews. I know this, because I’ve done it.

    But no more.

    I so vow.

    -John Green

  18. Rachel Brown on #

    if i comment you can feed me natto.

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