Last night after a hard day’s work we thought we’d order up a movie. As you do. And we’re trying to pick one, but the movies we know anything about we’ve already seen or would rather die than see. So we’re reading descriptions of movies and we both start exercising the veto like you wouldn’t believe:
Scott: not watching any movie that has the word “cop” in the description.
Justine: or “battered” or “gruelling” or “genocide”.
Scott: not “lawyer” either or “detective”.
Justine: Isn’t that covered by “cop”?
Scott: No. Look “private detective”.
Justine: I rule out “bleak”, “heart-warming”, and “family-oriented”.
Scott: Also “doctor”.
Justine: Not to mention “life-threatening” and “disease”, especially if they’re the one phrase.
Scott: Aren’t those ruled out on account of my previous anti-“doctor” call?
Justine: Not necessarily. See this description of Love Story? Do you see the word “doctor”?
Justine: I nix “eternal” unless in relationship to the undead.
Scott: And “Zombie” is an automatic yes.
Justine: Der. So is “Robert Mitchum”.
Scott: Is there a Robert Mitchum zombie movie? Cause that would rock.
Justine: Funny you should say that cause look—here is Rachel and the Stranger (1948) with Robert Mitchum, Loretta Young and William “Tedious” Holden. Let me read you the description:
- A widowed pioneer needs someone to clean the house and help raise his child. So, he purchases a zombie to be his wife. But the forlorn frontiersman misses his first spouse so much that he’s barely aware of his new zombie bride. He changes his tune, however, when a buddy of his shows a romantic interest in her.
(Synopsis swiped from Rotten Tomatoes.)
Scott: How could you marry a zombie? They would eat you.
Justine: These are pre-Romero zombies of the Caribbean voudoun kind. More soul-missing, sleepwalking, than “mmm, brains”. Plus it is based on a story by Howard Fast who is my personal god of popular fiction.
Scott: Okay, call it up.
Justine: [rubs hands together in the approved evil-genius manner] Mwahahaha!