Who Hates Chocolate? (updated x 2)

A while back a bunch of us bonded over not driving and then about hating coffee. It was a beautiful thing to be able to share about the annoyingness of our mild oppression. Why is it so many people who love coffee can not cope with those of us who don’t and feel the urge to force the stuff upon us?

It’s not quite as bad with chocolate. No one feels the urge to force it on me but their horror at my hatred is if anything even more excessive. Chocolate lovers cannot conceive of people who do not share their passion. They look at us as if they have just found out that we enjoy killing babies. They doubt our humanity. You should see their faces when they discover I like white chocolate. “That’s not chocolate!” they proclaim in contempt. Well, der, you idiots, that’s why I like white chocolate because it doesn’t taste anything like the nasty real stuff.

I feel the need to bond today. Who here hates the taste of chocolate? I know I’m not alone.

Warning: All declarations of chocolate love will be deleted. No one here cares.

Update: I have now deleted five comments from people trying to educate us poor chocolate haters on how it’s just USian chocolate that’s bad and if only we’d try other chocolate. There are several problems with that statement:

See the warning above: This is a thread for haters of chocolate—we don’t care about you chocolate lovers. Go away! You have the rest of the internets to fun free in.
You’re assuming we’re all USian. I, for one, am not.
Even if we were USian you’re assuming we haven’t already been hit by this argument A MILLION TIMES OVER¹ and been given chocolate from other countries only to discover that even when it’s from Belguim or Switzerland or some other country that’s supposed to make the world’s best chocolate it still tastes like death and we still hate it.

Update x 2: Have now deleted more than 40 declarations of chocolate love. Youse lot are worse than the coffee lovers. But by all means keep them coming cause deleting your comments is the funnest thing ever. Tee hee.

I’ve heard it about Australian chocolate and English chocolate. [↩]

Posted by Justine at 12:47, 6 September 2009 under Food | 62 Comments »

Comments

elsie Says:

Heh – I don’t eat sweets at all, nor do I drink. People really think I’m a freak.

September 6th, 2009 at 1:05 PM
Stormfilled Says:

I’ve never really given a damn about chocolate, it’s weird brown skwooshy food that melts. What’s the big deal? What I truly hate though is when people (particularly women, which is annoying as it makes me embarrassed of my own sex) declare loudly “OMG I NEED CHOCOLATE!” Erm, no, you don’t. Now Milky Bars, I love, and like you I’m always being told that they’re not chocolate. In which case, I hereby declare my love of solidified milk and vast quantities of sugar.

September 6th, 2009 at 1:09 PM
Megan Crewe Says:

I couldn’t say I hate chocolate, but I don’t get the fuss either. When I get a snack craving it’s almost always for something salty. Give me Doritos over chocolates any day!

September 6th, 2009 at 1:17 PM
Jen Barnes Says:

I hate chocolate, too! And I like white chocolate. Over the years, I have learned to TOLERATE small amounts of milk chocolate if and only if it’s mixed with peanut butter or some other taste that dilutes the chocolatiness. But I abhor chocolate ice cream, brownies, hot chocolate, chocolate cake… ugg! Hate it.

September 6th, 2009 at 1:42 PM
Carla Says:

White chocolate is truly a gift to the world. It’s so tasty and delicious. Lately more companies seem to be embracing white chocolate instead of chocolate and I highly approve.

September 6th, 2009 at 1:50 PM
Iris Messenger Says:

white chocolate = <3

everone else in my family eats dark chocolate and milk chocolate, and i'll eat it .. but my true love is white chocolate and everyone looks at me like i've killed a baby when I say as much.

September 6th, 2009 at 1:56 PM
Jennifer Says:

I’m definitely not a fan of chocolate! Like the other Jen above me, I’ve learned to tolerate some amounts of milk chocolate, but I still don’t eat chocolate candy bars, chocolate ice cream, hot chocolate, etc. I will eat chocolate cake or chocolate chip cookies, though, as long as they’re not too chocolate-y, and I LOVE Oreos (which to me taste nothing like chocolate).

September 6th, 2009 at 2:07 PM
Rebecca Says:

Apropos of nothing, really, I dreamed last night that I was at your house (you and Scott lived in a very fancy treehouse, by the way) and that you had chocolate unicorn horns. I’m trying to figure out what exactly that says, but I guess it means chocolate is evil?

September 6th, 2009 at 2:20 PM
JJ Says:

I spent an entire year of my life refusing to eat anything that was cooked within 10 feet of chocolate. This caused my father great pain as he is a chocoholic (only dark chocolate, thank you, none of that milk chocolate crap). I loathe it. I don’t even like this so called “white chocolate” (too sweet), but I’m not much for sweets in the first place.

When presented with a choice between vanilla and chocolate, I reach for vanilla EVERY SINGLE TIME. (I always wonder why vanilla is considered the “anti-chocolate”. Wasn’t it the cure in CHOCOLATE FEVER by Robert Kimmel Smith?)

September 6th, 2009 at 2:43 PM
Zahra Alley Says:

Well, I can’t say that I hate chocolate, but I’ll agree to loving white chocolate! It’s definitely a god send. I particularily enjoy hacking off the white chocolate mountain tops on chocolate toblerones.

September 6th, 2009 at 3:00 PM
Nathalie Says:

I’m not as enamoured of chocolate as the rest of the world is, either. It just doesn’t do anything for me.

I prefer cookies.

September 6th, 2009 at 3:13 PM
Sibylle Says:

I LOVE YOU! I hate chocolate AND coffee and for some reason people are always shocked when I say that, they mock my taste, etc. I had yet to meet somebody who didn’t like chocolate, I feel so much better now. Thank you for writing this. Chocolate haters unite.

September 6th, 2009 at 3:42 PM
Felicia Fredlund Says:

I agree with JJ of chocolate and vanilla. I choose vanilla everytime. It’s so much tastier. ^^ And white chocolate, yum yum.
I seem to like white sweets. But please don’t give me too much mint chewing gum! Ugh.

September 6th, 2009 at 3:42 PM
Sibylle Says:

To all the chocolate lovers reading this: your shocked looks followed by “more for me!” thrown at us as if we were doing you a favour are just condescending and annoying. So are your supposedly funny remarks (“I’ve never heard of such a thing” followed by 15 minutes of questioning). It’s a taste, please move on.

September 6th, 2009 at 3:50 PM
15. Justine Says:

I knew I wasn’t alone.

Sibylle: Yeah, it’s very weird. I don’t get why they have to go on and on and on about it. People have different tastes. Deal.

September 6th, 2009 at 4:06 PM
Jennifer Says:

I’ve often considered the similarities between coffee and chocolate, and it makes sense to me that someone would either love or hate both. In an effort to *try* to enjoy coffee, I developed a plan to slowly work up to eating very bitter (85%) chocolate, hypothesizing that an appreciation of coffee would surely follow. The plan failed miserably.

September 6th, 2009 at 4:11 PM
Celsie Says:

Really? They don’t force it on you? People keep thinking I haven’t tasted “good chocolate,” and come up with their favorites, which are wasted on me.

My husband claimed for a while I must be an alien as I was female and didn’t like chocolate.

Oddly enough, my mother revealed the story I have been telling for ten years of why I hate it? Never happened. I made it up, to get people off my back, then forgot I invented it.

September 6th, 2009 at 4:18 PM
Gretchen Says:

I don’t like chocolate at all, but I kind of love the horrified looks I get when I say that. I can tolerate it if I must in order to get to good fillings or whatever, but generally ewww.

When I was a kid I used to lie and tell people I was allergic because it was easier than dealing with the aftermath of saying I just didn’t like it.

September 6th, 2009 at 5:01 PM
HypotheticalDystopia Says:

When I was little, white chocolate was my favorite thing to eat yet I don’t like milk chocolate. It’s so… milky! Yuck.
Ever since becoming lactose intolerant, certain things with milk have tasted gross.
Ice cream is still delicious, however, anything dipped in butter is revolting.

September 6th, 2009 at 5:30 PM
alisa Says:

i think it makes sense that not liking chocolate and not liking coffee would go hand in hand. and it is ridiculous for people to try to get you to eat it just because THEY like it. (i’m not a hater of either coffee or chocolate, but not a huge fan, either…give me pecans or caramel, mmmm).
it’s like when my brother-in-law tried to share his crawfish with me. NO THANK YOU! please don’t waste your time trying to get me to eat it, just enjoy it on your own.

September 6th, 2009 at 6:35 PM
LR Says:

People always think it’s weird. But it just tastes so bad! Don’t they notice? White chocolate is the good stuff.

Also its fun at dessert time when everyone else is stuffing up on chocolate cake and you appear the very model of willpower and perfect self control as you don’t take a single bite. But actually you just think it tastes nasty.

September 6th, 2009 at 6:56 PM
Stephanie Weippert Says:

Is it ok to say I adore White chocolate too? IMHO, There’s NOTHING better on a cold day then a White chocolate mocha.

September 6th, 2009 at 8:00 PM
Sarah Says:

Hee! You should see the reaction I get when I tell people I don’t do coffee (or any caffeine at ALL) because I’m allergic to caffeine. It’s like the end of the world. “How do you stay AWAKE?!” is what I get. Um, by going to sleep on time, getting a full night’s sleep, and drinking plenty of water, thank you very much.

September 6th, 2009 at 8:02 PM
veejane Says:

I shall withhold my opinion on chocolate. However, I feel the need to say that chocolate is toxic to cats. And dogs!

So if you are a golden retriever, or a manx, it’s totally natural to dislike chocolate!!

September 6th, 2009 at 8:35 PM
Rachel Says:

i don’t like chocolate. (gasp!)

i don’t eat dairy at all (although i’m not a vegan). (oh, no!)

i also don’t have a TV. (for shame!)

the horror! how do i have ANY fun?!

yes yes, i’m making light of people’s reactions to all that. however, really… when people try to convert me and/or just look at me like my head was replaced by a watermelon it makes me pretty disappointed.

these are basic lifestyle choices. why do people get so … angry?

September 6th, 2009 at 8:45 PM
Katie Says:

I just want to show my support for chocolate haters. I’m not that into it myself (only chocolate cake).
What often troubles me is how crazy people get when others don’t share their tastes or interests. The attempts to convert the *obviously abnormal* choclate/coffee haters is what I find most disturbing.
What difference does it make to their lives? If you’re only comfortable when everyone is the same as you, go clone yourself.
p.s. your blog gives me smiles!

September 6th, 2009 at 9:32 PM
27. Justine Says:

Katie: I am so stealing your cloning line. Thanks!

September 6th, 2009 at 9:35 PM
Rachel Says:

Weeeellll…..

I do hate chocolate in beverage form (this means hot cocoa makes me gag, urgh. And don’t even get me started on chocolate milk!) This does get me the Look of Horror.

I also like white chocolate.

I’ll let you read between the lines.

September 6th, 2009 at 9:41 PM
Becca Says:

Chocolate? Meh. Give me anything, *anything* buttered and salted.

Mmmm. Hot, white, buttered starch. Mmmmm.

My husband is possibly addicted to chocolate cake. I’m actually glad about this – I can make a great cake and frost it all pretty and ta-da — a beautiful dessert that I am completely not tempted to eat!

September 6th, 2009 at 10:51 PM
Paige Says:

Why is white chocolate and Milky Ways not chocolate? Not saying I like chocolate, just wondering. And coffee is disgusting.

September 6th, 2009 at 11:46 PM
J.T. Wilbanks Says:

I don’t like sugar period, I eat it, but I don’t like it. Give me a salad or a bag of beef jerky anyday. God, I need beef jerky now.

September 7th, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Saints and Spinners Says:

I’m coming out of lurk-mode to say thatI support this post and the people who don’t like chocolate, as well as those who actively detest it. Live and let live, already. I can’t join in with the chocolate-hating group, but I can say that thanks to a friend who was allergic to chocolate I have learned about so many lovely desserts that I might not have otherwise tried. Chocolate is a strong flavor and can mask inferior ingredients. When I indulge in the dessert menu, I’m far more likely to be delighted with the lemon cake, baklava, gulab jamon, etc. Don’t even get me started on the wealth of gelato flavors.

The reactions people get in response to “I hate chocolate” are similar to the reactions I get when I say I detest the film “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

September 7th, 2009 at 12:23 AM
Lu Says:

I come from a long line of chocolate dislikers, it’s true. People are most baffled when I refuse chocolate chip cookies. Like I think I’m too good for them or something. No, really, I just don’t like them!

September 7th, 2009 at 1:00 AM
Sibylle Says:

About your update. It’s not American chocolate, dears, it’s chocolate period. I’m French. I can concede that somebody wouldn’t like a dish prepared this way but may, perhaps, enjoy it prepared that way. But chocolate isn’t a dish, chocolate is a primary ingredient so stop trying to convert us.

September 7th, 2009 at 1:43 AM
Amanda Coppedge Says:

Gummi candies are the best. Or jellybeans! Chocolate . . . MEH.

September 7th, 2009 at 6:16 AM
Alex Says:

Mmmmm, I can’t say I don’t like milk chocolate, but dark chocolate is an anathema to me and white chocolate is absolute heaven! And being one of the anti-coffee folks, I can sympathise with the slack you can get just for not liking the dominant flavour.

September 7th, 2009 at 8:19 AM
Aishwarya Says:

I’m not a chocolate hater, but it does very little for me. I am a chocolate dessert hater, though. They make no sense to me – they’re cloying and horrible and have no subtlety about them.

September 7th, 2009 at 8:27 AM
Aishwarya Says:

(And white chocolate is brilliant)

September 7th, 2009 at 8:28 AM
NotAnotherExit Says:

I don’t like chocolate, either (or coffee, or have the ability to drive). I’ve never understood why we should be eating it, let alone craving it!

September 7th, 2009 at 2:23 PM
QMcCall3 Says:

Justine, you’re hilarious.

Not to minimize or commodify your oppression, but I’m trying to decide if there is a book concept wrapped into your chocolate hatred. And I just read Stephen King’s book “On Writing” in which he provides us his personal writing guide. He described how many of his books began with absurd “what ifs”…imagine:

What if a chocolate hater had infiltrated Charlie’s Chocolate Factory?

What if chocolate is in fact the opiate of the masses and it is the chocolate haters who are enlightened?

What if chocolate became the carrier of a contagion that turned masses of people into zombies, to extend a book like World War Z?

These are the questions that should keep us up at night.

September 7th, 2009 at 4:06 PM
Dawn Says:

Screw chocolate. I’d rather have strawberry ANYTHING over chocolate any day.

September 7th, 2009 at 4:46 PM
Katharine Beutner Says:

I’m okay with chocolate — or I would be, if it hadn’t started giving me migraines — but it’s kind of become my nemesis after I got diagnosed with celiac disease. Everybody wants to feed me flourless chocolate cake all the time because it’s the first safe dessert they can think of. I appreciate the gesture, but… no. And yes, I get the “but you’re already so deprived, how can you also deny yourself chocolate?” reaction. Only from people who don’t get migraines themselves, though.

I agree with Nathalie above, who prefers cookies! (But not chocolate chip cookies. Nobody understands that, either.)

September 7th, 2009 at 5:11 PM
mythago Says:

THANK YOU.

I don’t get the barging into threads to ‘educate’ people on whether food is yummy. I try to tell chocolate lovers “that just means more for you then, right?” but apparently, there are still many people in the world who can’t distinguish between a personal preference and value judgments.

September 7th, 2009 at 6:07 PM
Mary Elizabeth S. Says:

People are often really put out that I am not overjoyed when they offer me sweetstuffs. I try to like it. I try really hard. But it just doesn’t work for me.

There *are* certain things I like. Sour candies, for example. And ice cream in a cone. But when people learn I don’t like things with frosting, don’t eat doughnuts, and don’t want to try the free cookies? They think I should be committed. Especially when I turn down (you guessed it) chocolate bars.

Why does my lack of sweet tooth offend people? I have my vices, too, you know! They just aren’t desserts.

~Mary

September 7th, 2009 at 6:23 PM
Malinda Lo Says:

This post is so incredibly satisfying to me. Not only do I dislike coffee quite a lot (especially the knocks-you-over-it’s-so-strong kind — I hate that the most!), I have no taste for chocolate. I can tolerate some milk chocolate once in a blue moon, and I do enjoy white chocolate, but overall, ICK. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach. I’m not sure if it’s an allergy or not, but I, like Gretchen above, will tell people I’m allergic to it just so the will stop trying to get me to each it. Especially the dark kind! It’s awful.

What I do love: Pie. With VANILLA ice cream. Yum.

September 7th, 2009 at 6:42 PM
AliceB Says:

About 20 years ago, I developed a migraine-inducing allergy to chocolate, and have not been tempted to eat it since. When people tell me, “I’m so sorry,” I tell them that I’ve discovered many other ways to get fat.

September 7th, 2009 at 9:46 PM
Q Says:

I am totally down with white chocolate (especially on strawberries). It’s so creamy and yummy.

(Is that kind of chocolate love appropriate on this thread?)

September 7th, 2009 at 9:49 PM
Baby Power Dyke Says:

I’m not so much a sweet eater in general. I trend towards salty and greasy.

Chocolate is one of my least favourite sweets to eat. I actually rather dislike chocolate cake and I am frequently made nauseous by the smell of chocolate when it’s warm or cooking.

September 7th, 2009 at 10:50 PM
Redheaded Stepchild Says:

The way you feel about chocolate is the way I feel about pets. Folks who like having animal friends treat me like I’m a serial killer when I tell them that I don’t want to see photos of their dog or talk about how cute it is. It drives me nutty.

Therefore, I’m in full support of your chocolate disdain. Especially since I live with Baby Power Dyke, who has many a time expressed similar feelings.

September 7th, 2009 at 11:11 PM
Sean Says:

White chocolate is where it’s at
My boyfriend took me out for white chocolate fondue with amaretto last week, I’m pretty sure it was the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted <3

I hate when people judge my love of white chocolate :'( So I completely sympathize.

September 7th, 2009 at 11:30 PM
Tara Says:

I feel vindicated!

I’m a foodie who loves to cook, loves to bake and loves to eat almost everything in the world. But there are two things I dislike: coffee and chocolate. (And grapefruit, but there was no bitter citrus mentioned in this post.)

When I tell people that I’d rather have a piece of cheese than a bite of chocolate, they look at me like I have two heads, both of which they’d like to whack.

Curiously, I like the smell of coffee, especially hazelnut, but when I drink it all I taste is bitter brew.

Also interesting to note, I’m an avid baker, and I love to make chocolate desserts because they make my family happy, but I never eat them myself.

September 7th, 2009 at 11:34 PM
52. Justine Says:

Tara: Snap! I don’t like grapefruit either. Don’t hate it as much as the other two but I could happily go through life without tasting it ever again.

September 7th, 2009 at 11:41 PM
Sabrina Says:

I do like dark chocolate, but I can easily go weeks without a single piece, so the people (usually women it seems) who go ga-ga over it just irk me–it’s like they play into the commericals and stereotypes regarding women and choclate. gah!

This does make me curious about your feelings for scultping with chocolate, though. I admit I am addicted to the Food Network Challenges. Plus it gives me the opportunity to mention (completely unrelated to chocolate, I know) another Food Network show, Chopped, where contestants receive surprise ingredients and have to create a three course meal. I saw an episode this weekend and one round had mangosteens as one of the ingredients. I immediately thought of you and had to share. I’d never seen someone cook with them before.

September 8th, 2009 at 5:42 PM
Amber Says:

omg I love white chocolate too! In real life I don’t know anybody who does that much and I get grief for it, so I am glad there’s somebody else. I have a friend also who hates chocolate, and it is true that people have weird and strong reactions.

September 8th, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Cat Says:

P.S. To me, white chocolate is chocolate as it contains cocoa butter, the common element to white/milk/dark chocolate, and it’s extracted from the same bean that gives the cocoa solids that make milk/dark chocolate.

September 8th, 2009 at 7:48 PM
Jaya Lakshmi Says:

My mom and brother are the same way. They’ll eat the dark chocolate that I get (70%) but they don’t like chocolate cake that much. Neither do I, come to think of it.
My mom prefers creamy to sweet foods. I get my sweet tooth from my dad and my sisters, but I also like creamy stuff.
So it’s not all black and white (or in this case, white and brown chocolate.)
What do people think of Turkish Delight, though? I actually found two recipes for it in a confectionery book. (It’s made with gelatin- hmmm . . .)

September 9th, 2009 at 8:03 AM
Yvonne Eliot Says:

I understand chocolate lovers’ adoration of the substance because it’s a drug (boosts serotonin, for one thing.) Sugar makes me dopey, though (dopier?), so I avoid it at all costs.

September 9th, 2009 at 12:53 PM
CKHB Says:

I don’t drink coffee, and I’ll take a fruit-flavored sweet over chocolate any day. Citrus, yum!

September 9th, 2009 at 11:50 PM
CKHB Says:

Oh, and I’m 35 years old and am a non-driver, too!

September 9th, 2009 at 11:54 PM
Paradox Says:

YES!!!! I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE!!! I’ve hated the taste of chocolate my entire life (while tolerating white chocolate, or candies with much more of something other than chocolate if they must share the same space, like Reeses Peanut Butter Cups – I’ll also eat Oreos) and am quite used to the looks and comments of HORROR and DISBELIEF. Some think I’m allergic to chocolate when I talk about it, though this is not the case. I’ve only met a few people who understand. I’ve never understood how people could enjoy something that makes me gag at its vileness.

September 14th, 2009 at 4:53 PM
Paradox Says:

Continued (I thought of something else): I also think that chocolate milk and chocolate ice cream are NASTY and I’ve never understood why people would pick them over normal milk and just about any other ice cream flavor. Also, I was once forced to drink a mug of hot chocolate. All of it. I came very close to throwing up.

September 14th, 2009 at 5:06 PM

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