Comments on: 21st Century Etiquette

By: martha

martha — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 20:44:16 +0000

oh my goodness! I completely agree. Texting at the table drives me bonkers! I have one friend in particular that does it ALL the time. She knows how I feel about it, but seems to think that I am the one being rude because I roll my eyes every time she gets her phone out!
This same girl also texts and drives which scares me. A LOT.
Also, dinner table related, i hate it when people start to eat before everyone has been served or before the hostess (if at home) has even sat down!

By: Jaya Lakshmi

Jaya Lakshmi — Mon, 11 May 2009 11:33:11 +0000

I think one etiquette rule that should be added (although it doesn’t apply to cellphones) is that people should not give unnecessary advice (or peer pressure) to acquaintances they don’t know well. I’ve been given grief over my decision to not attend prom; no one has respected my decision.

By: alys

alys — Sat, 09 May 2009 11:29:06 +0000

Not that the phone thing isn’t annoying, but:

Spitting in public.

If I could choose just one thing to never have to see anyone do again…

By: anna tambour

anna tambour — Sat, 09 May 2009 07:27:29 +0000

Put it in! I think there is a ratio between how late someone is and how phone-obsessed they are while they’re with you. In both cases, I’d say it’s time to get another friend because either this person is a boor, or s/he thinks you’re a bore. In many cases, if you get up and walk out, the otherwise engaged won’t even notice till how many calls later? I end “friendships” like these, except for my friend who gets calls all the time, always asks me first if it’s okay to pick up, and apologises for taking them even though I happily say go for it. The key to this working is that she doesn’t WANT this intrusion but really should keep connected. This isn’t a power play or insensitivity. She always keeps her voice so low that only someone sitting right next to her can, with strain, hear. Since the calls invariably have to do with a murder or something equally fascinating, they are better than radio, better than most books. She’s so relieved that I don’t mind her doing her followup calls then, and I’m so eavesdropping.

By: Miss Tammy

Miss Tammy — Fri, 08 May 2009 20:18:41 +0000

My best friend texted the entire way through my 30th birthday party meal. It was almost enough to make me want to end the 25 friendship.

By: caitlin

caitlin — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:41:06 +0000

eeeww! I agree with you Kim seriously it’s pretty gross to be chatting with someone while your on the toi. Also, gum is gross. What about people who bathe in fouf (perfume) ? Don’t they know that the reason fouf was invented was to cover b.o.

By: Nif

Nif — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:34:29 +0000

If your cell-phone rings while you are with other people, excuse yourself to go answer it. Taking your conversation to someplace more private is definitely more considerate than having the conversation right there, even if you have said, “Excuse me please.”

But don’t use your phone in the bathroom. That’s icky! If you are at a restaurant, take the phone outside.

Do not ever use your cell phone while in line for any sort of customer service. Customer service is thankless enough work without further trampling on the consequence and personhood of any persons involved in such transactions.

By: Kim

Kim — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:19:52 +0000

I’m surprised no one has mentioned this, but it squicks me out to no end when I’m in the bathroom and I hear someone in a nearby stall talking on their cellphone. Please, can’t you wait until you’re outside?

By: john cash

john cash — Fri, 08 May 2009 16:12:38 +0000

I hate use of the phrase “What you’ve got to understand is…” It seems innocuous, but it is actually a subtle rhetorical tool that turns the tables on the other guy. It implies (1) “You don’t really know what you’re taling about here, (2) But I do, (3) And unless you come over to my standpoint you won’t ever know what you’re talking about.” What’s wrong with saying, “I think you’re missing something, and that is…”? It is good etiquette to let the other person make a fool of him/herself without putting him/her down in the process.

By: Feywriter

Feywriter — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:49:22 +0000

I went into a business recently that had signs saying (paraphrasing due to memory) “If you are on the phone, others will be helped first.” I think that’s a great rule. Pay attention to those whose attention is ready.

By: Shveta

Shveta — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:54:28 +0000

I see Q already mentioned mine. Okay, then, how about people who chew gum with their mouths open and smack loudly? Or yell around the office because clearly what is bothering them is more important than the rest of us being able to concentrate?

By: Shveta

Shveta — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:47:05 +0000

Oh, gods, sending text messages while you are driving! I have one friend who does this, and I had to ask her not to, at least while I’m in the car. Not only is it rude, but it’s incredibly dangerous.

By: Tim

Tim — Fri, 08 May 2009 12:24:02 +0000

I never take phone calls at the table, but if I get a text I’ll normally read it. I generally won’t reply unless it’s urgent, at which time I apologise profusely, or it involves somehow including the other people at the table.

By: Nisha

Nisha — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:56:13 +0000

yeah this is totally one of my pet peeves. Another one I have is when someone interrupts me when I’m talking. If I’m in a group of friends and I say something, DO NOT CUT ME OFF TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE! That’s so rude. Ugh.

By: Amber

Amber — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:33:34 +0000

I’m going to show my sister this. She texts all the time at meals and everywhere, and it is so annoying! Yes, it is rude and I am glad others think this too!

By: liliya

liliya — Fri, 08 May 2009 11:22:29 +0000

not strictly etiquette as such – but don’t you think it’s weird how it is now perfectly acceptable to talk and sing out loud to yourself in public? No one gives you funny looks anymore, they assume you’re just singing along to your i-pod or jabbering away to your friend/lover/mum via your mobile even if they can’t actually see said i-pod/phone…. Liberation! we are now all free to be totally and uninhibitedly insane.

By: Aimee

Aimee — Fri, 08 May 2009 06:59:21 +0000

Augh, people who talk on the phone while serving. I work in the curtaining department of a retail store and the number of times I’ve been left waiting for someone to get off the phone so I can ask them a question about measurements is ridiculous.

By: Dave H

Dave H — Fri, 08 May 2009 04:16:58 +0000

You’ll be happy to know that when I took out my cellphone at dinner today, my wife immediately said “You know that Justine said you aren’t supposed to do that!”

(To be fair to myself, I was actually taking it out of my pocket to turn it off, because the low-battery alarm was driving me crazy.)

By: Karen Healey

Karen Healey — Fri, 08 May 2009 02:04:39 +0000

Oh my god people, stay to one side on escalators if you’re just going to STAND there. Yes, even if you’re a couple! It will not hurt to release your deathgrip long enough to go single file.

NYARGH get out of my WAY.

By: Sara

Sara — Fri, 08 May 2009 02:02:53 +0000

I work in retail and I think it is rude to check out while on the cell phone. At least say excuse me this is important, I’ll take that. Also (as mentioned a few times above) having loud phone conversations in public places.

The time a woman started having a speaker phone discussion on her cell phone in the middle of our tiny store during a packed sale was surreal.

By: Mary Elizabeth S.

Mary Elizabeth S. — Fri, 08 May 2009 01:49:49 +0000

I actually have a certain relative who I frequently have dinner with and wind up sitting there feeling like an idiot because they are on the phone with someone else. It’s even worse when our food hasn’t come yet, and I’m left staring at the table without even a salad to focus on while being ignored. Happens in the car, too, though that’s less embarrassing.

Also, same person uses a bluetooth earpiece in excess, and loudly. People are *always* getting confused, thinking this person is talking to me or to them, when really it’s a phone call. And people who know what’s going on are just annoyed. Although not as annoyed as I am, I can assure them.

I second Rachel’s music volume peeve. It doesn’t worry me if you want to murder your eardrums, but I don’t want to listen to your music. Even if I like the music. And I especially don’t want to listen to your music when I have to raise my voice to be heard over it. However, you raising your voice to be heard over music that nobody else can hear, that’s okay, because it’s kind of funny. Go ahead and do that one.

~Mary

By: Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 08 May 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Oh, I meant to say “talking on the phone or texting”, not “talking”. How DARE you talk at dinner!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 08 May 2009 00:44:16 +0000

Re: teens: I am 15 and I would be absolutely appalled at the thought of a companion or myself talking at dinner. The purpose of having dinner with someone is to enjoy their company! If you would rather talk to someone else, have dinner with them.

On a related note, don’t forget: Please, please, take out your earbuds when talking to someone! This needs to be in the guide. Also, private music should never be loud enough for others to hear; it’s not only rude but bad for one’s hearing.

By: rockinlibrarian

rockinlibrarian — Fri, 08 May 2009 00:38:49 +0000

What about when the person on the phone is NOT ignoring the other people at the table? Like, one person has the phone, but it’s technically everyone at the table calling a mutual friend. It’s still in public, but if it’s at a reasonable volume and everyone is involved, okay? Or, for example, when we just finished at the doctors’ and found out our firstborn was on the way, and we went out to eat, and while waiting for our food, called all our immediate relatives?

My biggest etiquette peeve is people not using their turn signals, but that’s more of a safety issue too. And combine the two, my husband was just in a major car accident (luckily got out relatively okay, compared to the car) because the other guy was chatting away on a cell phone and missed the stop sign…. I suppose safety issues cross the line PAST etiquette, but they get my hackles up more.

By: caitlin

caitlin — Thu, 07 May 2009 23:09:26 +0000

This does relate to etiquette I will not spoil Liar. After finishing it last night my first thought was no one better spoil this brilliant Printz worthy novel in a review.