How To Write A Novel (the true version)
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Step 1: Figure out which plot you hate the most.
Step 2: Figure out how to fix it.
Step 3: Fix it.
Step 4: Add zombies.
You can find the longer, lying version of this post here.
Posted by Justine at 0:21, 12 February 2009 under Writing process | 11 Comments »
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Tim Says:
Someone has recently done that with Pride and Prejudice. I believe the new book is called “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”
I must have it!
February 12th, 2009 at 1:49 AM
Q Says:
I’m not so sure about step 4, but I’ll give it a shot.
February 12th, 2009 at 8:52 AM
Patrick Says:
Isn’t step 4 just a summary of step 2 and 3?
February 12th, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Carrie Ryan Says:
I am here to testify that step four is imperative! And it works!
February 12th, 2009 at 10:18 AM
Cat Says:
I think you are right…everything is better with zombies added!
February 12th, 2009 at 12:27 PM
Amber Says:
Great starting points! lol
February 12th, 2009 at 3:01 PM
7. Justine Says:
Tim: That person is behind the times. My friend Maureen zombified P&P a year ago!
February 12th, 2009 at 7:57 PM
Mary Elizabeth S. Says:
No, no, no, it goes like this:
Step One: Choose a book, pretty much any book will do.
Step Two: Add zombies to it.
Step Three: Add
unicornsto it.Step Four: Continued adding equal amounts of zombies and
unicorns—and maybe a couple of zombieunicornsorunicornzombies—until the plot, and possibly your head, explodes.Step Five: Lather, rinse, repeat. Take two mangosteens and call a librarian in the morning.
Blogoverlord says: You are skating very close to a banning, young lady. Referring to the dread creatures, not once, but multiple times? An outrage, it is.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:22 PM
Nicholas Waller Says:
I’m reading a book called “How Not to Write a Novel” by Newman and Mittelmark, which gives advice on 200 things you can do to ensure that your manuscript, when it comes into the hands of a professional editor, is tossed in the bin at the earliest opportunity. (The authors say they have stood by the side of this road for a long time and see a lot of the same avoidable tragedies take place.)
Of course, a 201st way not to write a novel is to sit about reading books like that, but I’m enjoying it for itself – though one reviewer on AmazonUK called it too sarcastic and even rude (it is quite rude when discussing a deus ex machina). Perhaps he took it personally.
February 13th, 2009 at 10:18 AM
Bethany-la Says:
lol. That is great advice. I’m planning to write a book about zombies & vampires. The twist… neither are evil. unic*rns (aka one who mustn’t be named) are the evil ones.
February 14th, 2009 at 10:38 PM