Comments on: Apocalypse survival (Updated)

By: Benjamin Rosenbaum

Benjamin Rosenbaum — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:43:48 +0000

Well, I think it depends what kind of “apocalypse” we’re talking about, and whether we’re talking about short-term or long-term survival.

I mean in a proper apocalypse, like a major asteroid impact, all skills are useless. Whereas in a “bird flu outbreak with a two-week wave of infection with 95% fatality” mini-apocalypse, the important factors are 1) hypochondria and 2) a well-stocked larder.

Driving a car could be useful in certain initial short-term get-the-hell-out-of-dodge scenarios, depending on where you live, whether the roads are jammed, and whether you correctly guess which way the wind is blowing the fallout plume…

However in a worldwide apocalypse, car-driving definitely has limited utility.

If by “apocalypse” you mean something potentially survivable but unpleasant like “losing all the fancy technological toys we’ve developed in the past 500 years”, and you happen to be lucky enough to survive the inital cull, then I think being a storytelling extrovert could be highly useful. That and subsistence farming.

By: allreb

allreb — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:57:31 +0000

I feel much better about my survival chances after reading this. Actually, apocalypse survival has come up a lot on blogs I read in the last few weeks. Huh.

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:15:30 +0000

Justine: Haha, that’s even more useless than rolling your “r”s. XD It is a great talent though. Also, “rolling your r’s” is the exact translation of what we say in French. Which is unusual and kinda weird.

By: doselle

doselle — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:04:52 +0000

Facts suggest Prince may indeed kill zombies in a more hands on fashion–not because he needs to–but because he may enjoy the athleticism involved.

‘Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories” suggests that Prince has been known to play a mean game of b-ball in addition to being an excellent maker of pancakes. Two skill we know, when combined, make for mean zombie fightin’ ability.

Of course, there’s no argument that zombie-fighting chicks are cooler because, well, you know?

Chicks are awesome!

By: Patrick

Patrick — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:29:19 +0000

Prince does not kill zombies. Prince does not need to kill zombies. Prince has girls who kill zombies for Prince.

By: doselle

doselle — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:08:14 +0000

Who kills zombies better:

Ozzy Osbourne or Alice Cooper? Vince Neil or Brett Michaels?
Mick Jagger or Pete Townsend? Bono or Michael Stipe?
Marilyn Manson or Trent Reznor?John Melloncamp or Tom Petty? Madonna or Gwen Stefani? Prince or Kanye?

I sense a zombie-killing super group in the offing.

By: allreb

allreb — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:00:20 +0000

Only those rockstars that haven’t killed zombies yet…

By: Patrick

Patrick — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 20:44:01 +0000

Seriously, there’s no such thing as a Non-Zombie Killing Rock Star…

By: doselle

doselle — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 19:11:22 +0000

Just curious, Justine.

What do you think are the top 5 currently well-paying professions rendered MOST useless in an apocalypse?

Day traders? Corporate lawyers? Non-Zombie Killing Rock Star? There are tons to choose from, I am sure.

Thoughts?

By: doselle

doselle — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 22:49:13 +0000

All hail The Vitamin Overlord! Hurrah! Hurrah!

How may I do your bidding?As for world saving band, that’s awesome! I just want to drive the tour bus and sing ‘Tiny Dancer’.

By: Leahr

Leahr — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:57:11 +0000

I know I commented before, but I just finished The Last Days by you know who and my new conclusion on apocalypse survival is:
start a band to kill the zombie monsters who come to listen to it! Now we’re all saved.

btw, Justine- is there a reason the driver in that book is named Elvis? Just a thought.

By: Merrie Haskell

Merrie Haskell — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:34:24 +0000

I already have plans to run a Vitamin C supply service by growing cranberries, come the apocalypse.

I think you just need to find a niche! My niche = Vitamin Overlord.

By: doselle

doselle — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:04:02 +0000

I know you’re at peace with being Apocalypse-fodder, Justine, but if my Neutrino-powered Hypersonic Scramjet with VTOL (patent pending) is ready in time and there IS an apocalypse, I’ll happily move you and your loved ones to a comfortable, car-free place of safety after I stop off to pick up Scalzi and a few others on the way.

Escrow closes Sunday* on an island fortress where you can continue to write in the lap of luxury while being served high-end food by a small army of gourmet chef from Per Se who will be otherwise out of work because most people will only want to eat BRAINS!

You pick the wine.

p.s. Yes, I really do have a predetermined Apocalypse pick up list. Doesn’t everyone?!? I mean, come on. No one wants to survive these thing alone, right?

p.p.s. * That’s Sunday, September 10, 2017.

By: doselle

doselle — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:10:13 +0000

OMG.

Leave the internet for a few days and what happens.

By: alys

alys — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:21:07 +0000

Guns would be about as useful as cars, because for modern ones, you can’t make your own ammunition. (Yes, you can assemble it, but you still get the parts from a catalogue. And it’s kind of tricky and possibly fatal if you do it wrong.)

Crossbows are really easy to fire, and I can make flint arrowheads (yes! The archaeology would finally be useful!) but I don’t know how to build a crossbow. I do, however, have woodworking (with hand-tools yet!) and blacksmithing skillz, so given a book on crossbow construction…

I can also spin (badly, but I’d get better with more practice,) knit and weave, but someone else has to shear the sheep. (Washing, carding, dyeing with natural dyes, also covered. And dressmaking.)

And I can make pottery. Including knowing which bit of that riverbank is useable clay.

So I guess I’d be a bit good to have around, really.

By: mattw

mattw — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:57:41 +0000

I think guns would be usefull to some extent. They could always be used as a last resort. Even if it was for intimidation, you could have a gun that’s out of ammo and point it at someone, but they wouldn’t know it’s empty.

Personally, I don’t think I would last long, unless someone’s needed to build a campfire. I know a little bit about the outdoors, but probably not enough to survive for a long time.

By: Justine

Justine — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 04:07:10 +0000

Liset: I think yours is the best plan of all.

By: cuileann

cuileann — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 03:48:25 +0000

My first thought was, Doomed. Am definitely doomed. But then I remembered I can still recall some edible plant identification jiggery from Oregon Trail, version 3. Yes!

By: Liset

Liset — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 03:16:10 +0000

I think survival for a small girl like me would be acting like a mouse. You know, all sneaky and able to hide in small places. I would steal food from run down grocery stores and have a little nest under ground or in a tree. Eventually I would grow all feral, and meet other feral mouse people. We’d be some of the only survivors and some where along the line spawn a population that can co-exist with the zombies, or what have you. This new population would be smaller than the normal human, around 4 feet, and would learn to live underground…kinda like a hobbit!
So yeah, I’m so ready!

By: Justine

Justine — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:53:55 +0000

Gabrielle: Nope, that’s rolling your “r”s which I can also do. I meant like curling it. It’s something that only people with the correct gene for it can do. My mum can’t do it but my dad and sister can. It is useful for NOTHING.

By: Mary Elizabeth S.

Mary Elizabeth S. — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:24:26 +0000

I know which bits of a prickly pear cactus are edible! That’s a little double-sided, though, seeing as it means the only place I can find my own food is in the desert, which is also one of the places I’d be least likely to survive, what with the heat and lack of water…

~Mary

By: Herenya

Herenya — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:18:44 +0000

Ouch. Why can’t driving a car be on the list of survival skills? Because otherwise all I have going for me is what I remember from high school first aid classes. And what one learns from watching too much Robin Hood, and that really says something, doesn’t it? Thankfully my family would be a more useful, so I might not be completely doomed.

I’m personally hoping if anything goes terribly wrong, it’ll be a flood, since I live on a hill…

By: Amber

Amber — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:09:04 +0000

A winter in NZ has enabled me to be a wicked fire-maker with damp wood and no form of petroleum-based material. And I can knit. But there are a lot of steps between the sheep and the jumper that I’m hazy on; effectively the changing it from fat and greasy and daggy to thin and spinny and yarny. I’m screwed with the rest of all y’all.

By: Gabrielle

Gabrielle — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:03:56 +0000

Rolling your tongue as in speaking Spanish? Huh. I was wondering what was the expression for that in English. My legs are reasonably strong but my arms are two useless things. I SUPPOSE I sorta know first aid, at least nothing too serious. Conclusion? We’re screwed.

By: Patrick

Patrick — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 00:07:32 +0000

I know how to make a pinewood derby car.