Justine Larbalestier

reading, writing, eating, drinking, sport

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A solemn vow (updated)

I, Justine Larbalestier, do solemnly swear never to comment on an Amazon customer review. If I ever succumb to said stupid temptation you have my permission to force-feed me a mixture of the five vilest substances known to humanity: coffee, chocolate, licorice, tonic water and gin.1

I invite all published writers to join me in this vow.

  1. Apparently there are some weirdos who find the concoction above inviting. Those benighted souls must substitute five things they despise. I’ll have no cheating! [↩]

Posted by Justine at 17:29, 22 September 2006 under Bloggery, Writing life | 19 Comments »

Comments

  1. chance Says:

    I do so vow.

    mmmm gin.

    September 22nd, 2006 at 5:59 PM

  2. scott w Says:

    Mmm . . . gin and tonic. Oh, right—the vow!

    Yes, commenting on reviews of oneself is lame. I solemnly vow not to do it, at least not in public.

    “Writing well is the best revenge,” after all. (Though flying ninja monkey assassins are a close second.)

    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:00 PM

  3. claire Says:

    you’re wrong about everything except the licorice. i’d take all four of the others at onc’t. oh yeah, and the vow. me too.

    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:21 PM

  4. Barry Says:

    although i love chocolate, i care not for the other four, so it would still punish me to have them all at once. (oh, ruining my lovely chocolate…)

    and, yes, i take the vow. (feel like i’m at an aa meeting or something.)

    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:27 PM

  5. Diana Says:

    i vow as well. i have previously vowed not to respond to them in public in any manner, such as my blog. it pains me, mightily, but I am not yet foresworn…

    September 22nd, 2006 at 6:59 PM

  6. 6. Justine Says:

    And this is why writers must get together for drinks on a regular basis . . . Otherwise they would explode from the bile built up caused by all the mean amazon reviews their eyeballs have been subjected to. Poor writer eyeballs!

    September 22nd, 2006 at 7:06 PM

  7. sara z Says:

    This sounds much more doable than a vow of poverty or chastity.

    September 22nd, 2006 at 8:45 PM

  8. Gillian Says:

    I vow despite the fact that evil food concoctions seldom make me tremble in fear*. Also, the fact that I don’t even read Amazon reviews except in very special circumstances is entirely irrelevant.

    *I served vile green scrambled eggs to friends for New Year last night. They were *perfectly* edible. The colour made the skin of the Wicked Witch of the West look pale and winsome, but they tasted delectable.

    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:23 PM

  9. Cat Says:

    any woman who doesn’t like chocolate is a freak. And ditto for coffee and liquorice, although they are far less gender specific products. Tonic water on its own is only good for combatting malaria, but seriously, come on… whats not to like about G&T?

    September 22nd, 2006 at 10:44 PM

  10. Little Willow Says:

    Oy.

    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:21 AM

  11. Rebecca Says:

    i do not like licorice.

    September 23rd, 2006 at 1:44 AM

  12. Maggie Says:

    I vow not to personally respond to any amazon reader comments. (Of course, if my friends want to that’s okay. Heh. Heh.)

    September 23rd, 2006 at 9:16 AM

  13. John Scalzi Says:

    I always do what Justine tells me to.

    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:57 AM

  14. 14. Justine Says:

    And yet you have not actually taken the vow.

    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:59 AM

  15. John Scalzi Says:

    I didn’t say I do what you tell me to in a timeframe convenient for *you.*

    September 23rd, 2006 at 3:35 PM

  16. Maureen johnson Says:

    I had to put down my flaming mochatini (the delicious combination of gin, coffee, chocolate, and lighter fluid that I enjoy on a nightly basis) to answer this one.

    It’s always the bad ones that get you, isn’t it? I get twenty nice ones, and then just one person calls me the worst writer in humankind and I get all up in arms and start looking for my sharply pointed stick.

    But hey. Readers tend to run hot and cold, especially in YA. You know how meatloaf had LOVE tattooed one fist and HATE on the other? (Was that Meatloaf? How do I know this?) It’s like that. Well, you know what I mean. Maybe. Maybe you would if you drank as many flaming mochatinis as I do.

    September 23rd, 2006 at 10:41 PM

  17. Chaz Says:

    As Claire says, wrong about everything except the licorice. But right about the vow. I so vow.

    September 24th, 2006 at 6:21 PM

  18. John Says:

    It is really lame to comment upon your reviews in any way, particularly amazon reviews. I know this, because I’ve done it.

    But no more.

    I so vow.

    -John Green

    September 25th, 2006 at 1:27 PM

  19. Rachel Brown Says:

    if i comment you can feed me natto.

    September 26th, 2006 at 12:33 AM

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